CountRaven

the day you unfriend me

2011-02-22T05:01:00.000-08:00

Bad omen of the day,i woke up at 3am,shocked by a nightmare,then i couldnt go back to sleep,no matter how hard i tried.It those situations that i would hate the most,cause my mind would be so alert,making it impossible for me to close my eyes,my mind kept coming out with all the disturbing images of you with him,in many most intimate ways,the worse i could imagined.No matter how hardi tried i couldn't it of my mind,and let it haunts me,torture me,looking at time slowly past,it was just pure hell.

Jealousy got the best of me,and i was restless and annoyed that the fact that i can't sleep,and my mind just wouldn't shut down.I wished i had sleeping pills,but i don't,i normally have no trouble sleeping,but tonight was just horrible,i guessed maybe i needed to talk to you till im really sleepy to be able to sleep well,i was too used to chatting with you till i blackout.Having you slept earlier than me,just wasn't something im used to.So i took my handphone,put on my ear piece,listen to some pop music,see any1 of them can distract me or at least put me to sleep.

I kept changing songs,till i heard,dont hold your breathe by nicole,it was sooo good,that i put repeat,and kept going,i felt good listening to it,cos the lyrics was bout being strong in love,and the beat was so addictive.After about 30mins later,i fall back to sleep without my notice.

The next day,started out with my mum yelling for me to get ready,cos we're going somewhere in the neighbourhood,to have breakfast.I had a really nice breakfast of chinese dim sum,with my sis and mum.Came home to realise you texted me 4times,and missed called me,and you were so mad i didn't bought my phone with me.That was another bad omen,i was guessing we would have a fight soon.And so you were okay on msn,we were chatting along,and you start to says im not giving you my full attentions,i was too distracted by my FB updates,you said talking to me was boring,i felt like a dagger stabbed into my heart.

And sometimes i couldn't help myself by saying things to provoke you,guess i just wanted your attention so badly,i spilled out tons of rubbish crap talking to made you so fired up.Then you were so angry,you asked me to leave you alone,i felt like a jerk,and i was so afraid to lose you,that i just couldnt let you be alone.Irritated by my non stop texting and phone calls,you got even more angry and unfriend me on FB and your deleted our photos,thats hurts like hell.Nothing in the world felt harsher than this,you actually says im a stranger to you now,and we could not even be friends becos im such jerk.I could just die,that you just deleted everything,and i was blocked out by your profile,it felt like salt on my fresh cut wounds,its that kind of pain,that could made me cry like a baby.

I should've gaven you the time for you to cool,i should have just listen,but i didn't want things to be left this way,i couldn't stand being in a fight and cold war with you.I couldn't stand you hating me,i can't control to try to hurry the pace for us to make up,im sorry,i didn't meant for things to turn out this way,i love you so much.

Im glad after a hour of watching how i met your mother show on internet,i texted u again,and you were okay,start talking to me.I understand fights are bound to happen in every relationship,and i think it reminds me of how it would feel,if i haven't got you,after every conflict we had,i get a glimpse of how life would be,if i ain't got you,and i dont like it at all,i wanna be with you forver,im so glad we can talk,and listens to each other,cos there's really nothing to hide,and i can never lie to you.

It actually felt like im courting you all over again,i think the fights we had just made us alittle bit closer each time,and we got to talk out whats bothering us,and im glad we can work things out each time together.Oh darling,i don't wanna fight,i don't care who's winning,it only matters that you are happy,and we've got each other,i hope we'll never fight again,i just wanna cuddle.

P.S you changed my life,completely made me a better person,i hope i would never disappoint you.

IM SO HAPPY

2011-02-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

Im so happy that you're back baby,Im so glad we pull through.Everything went back the way its supposed to be,i get to spend time with you like everyday,i never felt more alive and satisfied,cos we're sticking together like everyday is our last.

It was amazing how we were abled to spend valentine together,just like dream come true,for whole of last year,you wasnt free on mondays,i was so devastated that this year,v'dae is on a monday.If it hasn't been for the miracle,i dont know how you were suddenly free,we would had break my lonely valentine curse,so i thought im gonna be lonely again,you showed me the magic if love,that everything is possible.

i wished im able to spend all my birthdays and v'dae with you,cos you're so special in my life,i never wanna be seperated from you again.I HATE IT SO MUCH WHEN YOU'RE GONE,it wasn't living at all,i dont know how i pull thru,only recalled it was most painful,and every smile i was able put on my face was fake,i am only able to enjoy life when you're here with me.Although you were back 2months later,instead of 3 months,i must say,it felt like 2years,thank god for the miracle,that you appeared in my shop,gave me the shock of my life,its the most romantic thing you ever done for me,for the sweetest surprise that made me jumped up and down like a kid on sugar rush,pulling everyone,to show you around like my crown jewel,to shout at all my frens,how im so excited that your back.You couldnt imagine how i felt that day,to be able to hold your hand again,you looked so beautiful,and i could felt your warmth when i held your hand,then i knew i was not dreaming,everything is real,you are really standing infront of me.

I love you so much baby,more than life,more than pride,more than money and more than myself.I hope we would never be apart ever again. :)

To be happy

2011-02-15T16:43:00.000-08:00

I wanna sleep,
i wanna cry,
and close my eyes,
to be blind,
to not see.
To be dumb,
to not know,
To be deaf,
to not hear,

to lost my senses,to not feel,
to numb myself,
to not touch whats the deepest part of my heart,
where the trigger be hidden,
so i shall not be in agony.

Ignorance is a bliss,
not to know is better than knowing everything,
i rather live in lies than to face truth,
baby,why cant you lie to me
why can't i be the ignorant 1
cos the truth only hurts,
to want someone i shouldn't have,
only what you can't have,
could stay beautiful forever.

23rd day since u been gone

2011-02-06T10:13:00.000-08:00

Today im gonna go visit broy,we're gonna meet up at his house for games of poker,majong,and visiting of his cat,soo cute meow meow.

I really enjoyed myself at broy's place,was able to see vera and bf,jessica and broy's little brother nick,nick is so playful and great host,i felt so taken care of.After that we went to sheena's house by the van of broy's father is driving,it was so fun,my first time on a bumpy ride on a van.

After dinner at sheena's hse,we were in a rush to head down to floating stage at marina barrage,it was so crowded there,as we headed there thru circle line and alight at promenade mrt stn.Now i know how to walk to spore flyer,but im never going there again,its so boring at the flyer,we had so much fun taking photos at the CNY canival there,its was so much fun,i wished you were there,i wanted to play at the fun fair,but i dont wanna play without you,im gonna wait till your back,and we shall play together baby!!

22nd day since u been gone

2011-02-06T10:06:00.000-08:00

I selpt till 12pm,still not enough,but still have to wake up,must go visit mum's bro house.I am sooo freakin tired from the ton,but still must dragged my dead body to uncle hse for lunch.
Alot of times i was dozing off on uncle's couch.im really awkward talking to my cousins,wasnt able to open up,so i kinda just mind my own business.

This is the worse part of CNY,entertaining relatives that we only see once a year,there's really nothing to talk about,and its really weird to be at the same room with them,i rather not visit,cos im really not good at entertaining relatives,cos as usually they see me as alien and would never accept me the way i am,i dont wanna be judged,and dont wanna hear what they wanna advice me on,its just so sickening when you know they would be judgemental,and we still have to face them every year.I swear when im independent,i would never let myself be in this situtaion again,rather live my life with frens,than entertaining relatives im not even close with.

the rest of the day,i was only sleeping and watched some tv..

21st day since u been gone

2011-02-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

Today i woke up and 10+ in the morining,just on time to shower,and get ready to visit my grandma,i was really excited cos,after visiting grandma,tonight im gonna ton at my uniqlo new fren house for the 1st time.

I was surprise i was invited,and so i really prepared myself,bought snacks,and poker cards,my fave game,but couldnt find anyone to play with,till tonight.After the visiting,finally able to meet my frens and buangkok mrt,ready to head out his house.

His parents was really nice to us,and we really made alot of noise in his room,and made quite a mess too.I wasnt crazy bout the gambling,so i just watched my frens gambled all night long,i did dozed off a few times.Now the i realised my fren was a clean freak,he made sure we clean our feet before steppin into his room,and we're not allow to sit on his bed,cos he's super clean freak,LOL.We did clean up the mess we made,or else i think he'll go crazy.

We left at 5am in morning,walked to hougang mall 24hr mac to have breakfast!!BEST EVER,i got to eat hotcakes and sausuage,hahah so happy.I had a great time,and slept till 12pm the next morning.

21TH day since u been gone

2011-02-06T09:52:00.000-08:00

Today i worked 8-5pm,finally able to go home early to have my CNY reunion dinner,went home feeling so happy,but still have so many chorese to do.Was nagged by my sister like machine gun,so i swallowed my pride and finished moppin and sweeping the floor.

Finally bro and his bf back to eat with us,i had a great dinner,thought sis gonna help me clean up,cos she promised she would,instead,she left me doing everything myself,i washed everything,and mop the floor again,super tiring day for me,slept round 1am after watching lots of love movies,i currently very addicted to movies,able to relate,cos i miss you alot.i really misses u so badly you know,but i gotta make myself busy to be able to move on with my life.

21 day since u been gone

2011-02-04T02:57:00.001-08:00

Today we're supposed to start at 12,ends at 10.30,so next day we can work morning shift 8-5 to get home for CNY eve dinner,but i was late.So super sadded,cos i've been keepin a beautiful record,and that 3mins lateness due to delay of tain cost my record broken,a black mark on white table,wat a pain to the eyes.

20th day since u been gone

2011-02-04T02:37:00.000-08:00

Monday blues hits me today,cos i had to work moring shift today,till six thirty.Waking up in the morning makes me so tired,i did shitty job for task today,i made a mess and wasnt able to finish what i started,i felt so bad to let my partner finished where i left off.Im supposed to help not becoming a burden,i felt so lousy when my break was right after the task,while i said sorry to her and went for break,looked back to see she had to finish off by herself,i wish i've done better.

Wasnt happy with what i've done,i showed my emotionless face again while going to get food with frens,they were concerned,asked why my reactions to things always so dull and like i dont bother,i hate to explain,just try my best to smile and crack jokes.

I dont expect ppl to understand me,cos i dont understand myself too,i think im suffering from depression,even the smallest things can send me to anxiety and frustrations,i dont know why,but i get carried away very easily and its hard for me to pay attention to others,im always in my world without my notice,i just simply drift away,sometimes i feel like im sleep walking,dont know what im doing.

Sometimes its not that i dont want frens,i do too,but i just say things to send ppl away,i always not hearin what they said,or dint know what to reply and gave them short replies,i hate myself so badly that my social skills had dropped so much.Maybe the problem is im surrounded by many youngsters,kinda made me shy,i went back to anti-social person i was back in skool,or maybe i always starts missing you,and couldnt hear a word they say.

After work was okay,i went to get food for my folks at home,had a really nice dinner with them,i like the feeling that my effort was appreciated and they enjoyed what i got for them.Ever since my nephew been back,our family grew tighter,and im enjoying more at home,its nice to have him back,feels like our family complete again.

19th day since u been gone

2011-01-31T18:06:00.000-08:00

its a sunday that rains all day,so cold i had to wear 2 layers,dont know whats wrong with the weather,but singapore is just raining everyday,and super cold like air con is on everyday.It made me felt to lazy,so i spend my day sleeping,watching tv.LOL better than going out and got wet by the rain.Its a wet wet chinese new year soon.

TV was cool,i've watched alot of american idol,and was crackin up like crazy by the scene where randy slaps a contestant by accident,cos he was running across to slap the crowds hi-fives,but 1 of that high-5 hits her face instead of her palm.Damn funny,cos randy dint admit it at first,then they show the play back video in slow motion where puts him in no denial.SO funny,Lucky she could sing,if not its a slap again.

I've watched ellen on you tube too,cant have enough,cos she is just soo cute with her wife,im soo freakin jealous,but if ellen waited till she's 50 for the law to allows her marriage with portia,why couldnt i do the same for u baby,that inspires me alot,i dont care how long it gonna take for us to be official,im gonna do someday,im gonna marry you!!They are so lucky to have each other,and live together,sleep beside each other everyday,i wish me and you could be like this,and we can go thru thick and thin together,never ever get seperated ever,and sleeps beside each other every night,and kiss each other every morning,thats my ultimate dream!!! I WANT U SO BAD.

Perharps someday not long in future,singapore would allow gay marriage,and we'll be able to have great wedding,a house under our names.A sweeeeet happy ever ending together,well nothing is impossible,by the growing numbers of gay ppl populations in s'pore,i believe our dream would not be too far away,and i want you to be the prettiest bride ever!!AND post out wedding photos on my blog and FB,Let the whole world envy how lucky i am to be your lesbian groom!!I cant wait to show the world how gorgeous and perfect is my super hot WIFEY!!!!hahahaha for now your already my wifey in my heart!!Someday im gonna tell the whole world,that your mine!!!

the 18th day

2011-01-29T09:11:00.000-08:00

I love today,everything feels so great bout today,i felt refresh,and ready to work,i missed work actually,cos all the new frens i made,cos i finally opened up my heart,i see the world differently today.Im wearing my fave pink check shirt,and my fave perfume,it makes me feel so confident,and just so happy,its nice to feel this way,im finally myself again,i wondered why i was wasting time being so depress,and kept complaining bout life,im sorry my dear,i should've been positive and not letting you get frustrated by my complains.

Finally its safe to say,im ready to wait for you,i dont mind the 3 months anymore,i wanna give you the freedom you deserve,dont wanna give you headache anymore,show you how strong i am,and how happy i am,im gonna live my life again.If we're meant to be,i should let you do whatever you wanna do,and when you come back to me,i'll know you're the one for me,i shouldn't hold u back,shouldnt pressured you,should have just waited and be happy for you.

Actually its kinda great that you're not here for 3 months for CNY season,my bro still not able to give more money to mum,and the burdens came straight to me,esp for festive season,everything counts on me.Lucky im able to save alot of money,cos i seldom go out now,was able to help mum lighten up the burden,now i understand why god seperated us for 3 months,see thats how it works.Cause it would kills me to not able to have enough to bring you on nice dates,cause you only deserves the best,you'll always gets the best of me,i just love so much to pamper you,if my money is limited,its just kills me inside to let you accomodate to my proverty,cause i have the responsibilty to make you happy and to provide for you,i love u so much my princess.

Today at work,i was given a very complicated task,i had to do the settlements and checking of sales figures and then i thought i knew how to do it from my past job,i thought it was gonna be easy,but its not at all,its not just 1 counter,but so many to check and count.Big numbers,and lots of money to handle,i was so stressed out,but lucky everything came thru in the end.As i went for toilet break,i came back to the staff room,the lights was off,cause there's no one else,then when i was putting on my bumbag,my fren came in,she stared at me,and asked,why do i looked so emo in the dark,and then she suddenly just tells me that she thinks im really cute and actually very pretty,i was turn off by that,cause i really wish ppl thinks im manly and see me a man figure,cute and pretty just not what i wanna hear.

awww baby,wish you were here to tell me how manly i am,and you would always say the right things to turn me on,and melts me,and make me feel so good about myself,i miss you so much,missed all the rights things you always says to make me feel so good.i miss you cute voice,to hear you praise me with your sweet voice satisfies me like no other.I hope to see you soon online baby,i love you.

the 17th day

2011-01-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

Today,i came to work earlier,cos i agreed to,and i wanted to spend more time on work,to distract from my sorrows,and turn them into movtivations of making more money,so i have a motive in life,all that crying and saddness is a waste of time,as life still goes on,and i gotta be strong to pull thru the longest wait for you in my life,i figured out,i've waited 19 years to have met you at work,what is 3 months right,i can certainly conquer that.I kept imgaining how im gonna squeeze you and kiss you all over when your finally back and standing infront of me,it would be so sweet,and everything would feel so worth it,and i would forget all my pain just like that.

Its so fast today,cos i was given task to do,and i was working with all ny fun frens,never a moment of silent,i kept laughing and enjoyed alot working,dint paid attention to how the time had gone by.I went home straight away open my fb to check if i've mail from you,i was so happy that you replied,but depressed at same time its so short,cos it made me feels that you got nothing to say to me,and u dont really miss me that much.

There i was writing long replies to you,questioning why your answers wasnt what i expected,then you suddenly came online on fb and said hi to me. I was so happy,i couldnt describe just by words,im just so happy to be able to talk to you,so glad,that no matter how we're oceans apart,still able to connect at this moment and share our love from internet,now i love technologhy so much.Its so comforting to know you care,and even commented my blog,and how you thought bout my posted vids on FB is super important,cos thats all my effort to show how much i misses you each day,and really hoped the effect would be touching,and makes you wanna cry,cos every 1 of them,had a story to tell,had my tears with it,and show you how i misses you each day,what i wanted to say to you so bad,im so satisfied that you've been touched by my effort,i've never did anything like this for any1 before,baby your the first,i want you to know how special you are and how much i love you.

Whether you believe it or not,i just wanna say,i've been super well behaved and faithful to you all this long,dont ever have doubts on my true love ok baby,dont say thing like u hate me pls.it hurts so bad,cos after how i faithful i was for you,and you still couldnt see and dont believe me,that i could resist temptations and stay faithful to you,time would show i am true,wait till you come back,i'll prove it,i love you so much my dear princess.

the 16th day since u been gone

2011-01-28T08:51:00.000-08:00

today is just another day at work,nothing special happened,only me staring at my phone,wondering why it hasnt rang,why i've got no msg from you.Its depressing to have a phone now,since we couldnt msg,and couldnt call each other,i wonder whats the use of havin phone anyway.

The more i think of you,the time gets even more slower,so i forced myself to distract,not to think of it at all,or i'll be ending up wondering how long more is the wait gonna be.I dont care bout my phone anymore,no one would call me, and no one would msg me anyway,its always empty and quiet since you been gone,i have no more thrills in checking my phone anymore.I really dont know what i live for,good thing that my work place has alot of fun and loving ppl,showering me with their love and concern everyday,im really lucky to be working with such a bunch of fun people,i was never lonely anymore.I can always count on them for company.

Today,i found out i have alot in common with some of guy frens at work,we can always talk about everything,and they'll always agree with me,cos we see the world the same way,i never know what its like to be surrounded by ppl who thinks alike with me till i met them,it really made me wanna say,finally i find ppl same as me,i can be surrounded by ppl like me,im not alone against the straight world anymore.At my previous work place,i always gets discriminated,unsupported,as im surrounded by old,decreet ppl who refuse to accept the abnormals like us.I had to shaped myself,pretending,and made myself more normal to blend in with their conversations,and to be liked by them,now im here,i dont have to anymore,we can talk about topics i like,all day long,not have to worry bout whether words i used was it offensive at all.Cos they wont judge me,they dont care,they are young like me,and they understand why i do the things i did,just instantly,they dont try to stopped me,or tell me to stop or anything,they simply gave me blessing,and tell me to be strong,its so easy to confide in them.

Baby i really wished you worked here with me,and you would see how my work place is a teenage heaven,i love it so much,its the kinda world that dont judge you,and everyone is your frens,there are no strangers here,and every1 would help every1,everybody is so nice.

15th day,HAPPY BIRTHDAY my sweet BABY

2011-01-25T02:52:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday my sweet baby,today i missed you the most,how i wish i could celebrate today with you,i miss you so much my baby.Its so sad that we're seperated like that,why our fate so sad?I prayed hard each day for you to come back,you don't know how badly i misses you.

My sugar baby,no one can ever replace you in my heart,so dont you worry ok,only you have the key to my heart,you must trust me,dont ever have doubts on me baby.I love you soo freaking much baby.We came so far together now,i ain't gonna give up easily,i have faith no matter what happens,we would never be seperated.I have strong faith our love would be forever,even they gonna lock you there,there's no way in stopping me to go there and find you back,trust me baby,i would never let anyone tear up apart,we are meant to be forever.

My heart is so painful today,i misses you even more especially today.baby would teach me how to hang on till your back?I miss you too much,i love you i love you i love you,from the bottom of heart i only loves you.I love you more than my life,more than pride,i love you more than myself,i love you more than money or anything nice,i would do anything for you.Really wishes time would fly faster,then we could be together sooner.Baby i know you're suffering from the sickness,must take good care ok,it'll breaks my heart,if you dont faster recover. i love you so much.

the 15th day without you

2011-01-24T06:34:00.000-08:00

Today went out to k box with my fren,to sing the hell out of me,i had so much fun!!Crazy fun,haven sang my face off in such a long time,and since its monday,its super cheap only 6 dollars!wahahah,i've sang so many love songs,rock songs and fast songs,really felt soooo good.It has been too since i had enjoyed so much,ITS SO FUN TO JUST KEEP SINGING.MUSIC IS MY LIFE MAN..

After some crazy fun,we head out to mac for dinner,then we walked around at town.It was really cold and very nice just slowly stroll down the street.Its pretty quiet today,not much people walking around,just the way i like it.Then we walked to ion to get bubble tea,and sit down and chat,i really love ion alot,always smells good,and always have alot of seats around for me to just sit and chat,LOL,and the toilet is so nice.And there's alot of memories here too with you,we quarrelled here before too,and was sitting on one of those nice couch here.Everywhere i go,surely reminds me of you,we been to so many places in sg together,wish i could relive them once again with you.Baby,they actually rennovated the k BOX at cine,i wanna bring u there next time.And sing I DO to you again,if you're asking do i love you this much,baby i do!

And happy birthday in advance baby!I can't be there,but please dont forget about me,i wanna celebrate with you when your back.

the 14th day without you baby

2011-01-23T20:10:00.000-08:00

Today,im feeling great,im wearing my new shirt to work,for my morning shift.I felt good about myself,and my boss commented that i looked very manly today,im so happy.Wow,was i given the toughest job today or what,i had to fix the the metal racks over and over again,it was so tiring.I was finally done with,i had to carry all the super heavy wooden planks back the store room,and all that metals,hurt my hands so bad,never did it all by myself,i felt extra manly today,and pretty satisfied im abled to pulled off a tough technical job.

I was so shagged after all that,checked the schedule realised,im morning shift again tml,was so sad bout it,cos i felt lazy, wanna sleep more.As i carried on with my task later that day,i was assigned to do cleaning duties at staff room,and then my friend asked me whether i could change my saturday off with her for monday.Its a miracle,i wanted a monday off,wahahaha,mircales does happen,God is really nice to me,that put a big grin on my face today.

After work,i was happy that my gay fren was same shift as me,and we can knock off together.Usually i just mind my own business,and go home by myself,today i tot of making a change,so i asked if he was doing anything after work.I was so glad he said he was free,and we could hang out awhile,he wanna look for new boots too,and i just wanna hang out.And so we did,although we dint buy anything,was just walking around in town,i was feeling so happy,so we got know to lot more about each other,at work we dint really had chance to interact,and i've been really anti-social lately.

Good that i asked,and let ppl in my world,im so happy that i had company today,its been so long,i haven felt like this ever,i enjoyed so much talking to him,cos we had so much in common,we're both queers in this world that doesnt allow our exsistance,but we're struggling to find love in this world and stand up for ourselves.Its really nice to know,in this world,we're not alone,there's alot more like us,and there's nothing wrong to be us,if we're meant to be banished and put in hell,then why god love us so much that he created us in the 1st place,i truly believes,god love us more,thats why he put out lot more obstacles in life for us,to make us cherished our loved ones more,since we're put to so many test,we're able to see what others dont,we're able to care more for love,and for frens,we basically treasured whatever relationships we have with people,because its rare,we been thru alot,to respect others even more.

Lastly baby,im happy to tell you,im doing fine now,dont worry about me,im still waiting for you to come back,meanwhile im doing a great job taking care of myself,im not your burden,im strong,faithful and here always waiting for you,for the day we rejoice and reunite again,oh i miss you,my sweet girl.

the 13th day

2011-01-21T21:55:00.000-08:00

hey baby its finally the 13th days since you been gone.Oh my god,its my off again,thank god weijie is hanging out with me today.Help me put my mind of you,baby i havent had fun for too long.THANK GOD SO MUCH,that weijie is free today,i pratically have no others to entertain me ever again,beside my 2 best buddies,i have no1 to hang out with already.

Im kinda glad today,cos i got the prepaid to call you,never gonna worry bout not enough balance to call you,and really hope to talk to you on msn!! THANK god your getting internet soon!!

Accompanying him to ochard really reminds me of you,how i wished i was on a date with you.We walked to orchard central after that,reminded me of that day,how we quarrelled here,you went missing,and i was cryin,cos i can't lose you,then realised you went to the toilet and how we ended up cuddling and kissing,it was so sweet.

Then we walked to PS to have dinner,at cathay,the place where you and i watched our 1st movie G-Force,i can never forget,soo precious,when i had you in my arms,and now im with someone else not you,kinda makes me sad.We then watched a movie called exorcismus, a horror show bout a girl being possessed by demon,it was really scary,how i wished you were siting next to me,and we would cuddle and hug each other so tighly,i would've let you lean over in my arms,i would love to warm your freezing hands with my warm palms.

Baby dont hate me for writing so short post for the most recent ones,Cos im sick of talkin bout my life,MY life sucks without you!THERES REALLY NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT..i miss you baby,only spending time with you can inspire me to write more.i cant wait to hear your voice and talk to u on msn.

its the 12th day since you been gone

2011-01-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

I love you,i Love you soo much,if you're reading finally,i couldnt be sick of telling you how much i misses you!!!I NEED YOU ,I REALLY DO,I REALLY REALLY LIKES YOU ALOT.I MISS YOU ALOT LIKE CRAZY!SAVE ME FROM MY INSANITY.

what is wrong with me?i couldn't eat,couldn't sleep,couldnt have fun.I misses you too much baby.I wanna get a hold of life,i really do,but i cant even socialise anymore.im a mute,couldnt talk,couldnt respond just like a dead fish,i hate myself so much.

I really have no idea of you leaving me would have such a big effect,its like im dead.TOTALLY NOT MYSELF. I really really wish someone could save me. Would god give me some help.Help me move on from this boredom.

its the 11th day since you been gone

2011-01-20T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hey baby,i wish i could tell you life has been better and that im happy,but i tried all means,i couldnt,you just stays in head and preventing me to enjoy any part of my life.Im missing you too much,everyday is too painful,i don't know how long more i could take it,everyday im acting,pretending to be happy,tell people im fine,tells people im okay,when im not,at all.

Im not myself anymore,i couldn't be happy at all,i wanna be happy so bad,i really tried opening up my heart to friends,but in no time,i would close them back again,cos im constantly reminded that my baby is not here,i shouldn't be happy,its wrong to even have fun,i should be suffering isn't it,i should live in grief everyday,isn't that right.

Sometimes i wonder were feeling the exact same thing im feeling now,or am the only one thats gone mad.I used to be cheerful,i used to laugh alot,now i dont,just a glum face all day long.i look a far,as if my heart is not there,i look a far,as if waiting for something to happen,waitng for the only girl in my life to come back so i can feel again.

Becuase when you left,you didn't just bought yourself and stuff,you took away the key to my heart too,im unable to feel again since you been gone,you only leave me with pain,tears,agony,sorrows and everlasting grief in my heart.You took away all the reason for me to happy ever again.

Today i had my instant noodles,while sitting across was my colleages,they were chatting happily,i wanted to join in,but i couldn't whenever i want to speak,i just swallowed backed in,i just avoid eye contact,looked down at my food hope the world would just ignores me.I hope you see the changes thats happening to me,and try what ever you can to come back to me soon.

the 10th day since you been gone

2011-01-20T17:58:00.000-08:00

Today i just found out i've got bonus from work,i went to check with my fren.Eventhough i have extra money to spend,it did'nt made me happy at all,cos usually i would be thrilled by the idea that i've got money to buy you great gifts,nice dinner,and a trip to fun places.But today,its plain to see that i have no use of money,i decided to give most to my mum,and the rest i want to buy some clothes.

I really thought i would enjoy spending it on clothes,but i didn't,i just sat there on my chair,wondering why you haven't reply my msg,did you recovered from that fever,same thoughts repeating all over again.I really really hate him alot for taking you away,couldnt he see you're able to adapt life there,you're too weak to withstand the coldness,couldn't he sees the lonliness in your eyes,that says you wanna come back s'pore so bad,why is he ignoring what you want and need,and continue to ruined our life.How long more do we have to stand around let people decide how our love story would go,when is our chance to take hold of our happiness?

My friends noticed my sudden change,were all concerned about me,all tried to crack me up,cheer me up,but i really couldn't be happy as before.Its tiring for me to live my life like this,how else could i live it then,i don't have a choice,my only reason to be happy has been cruely torn away from me,its like my other half of my heart been cut and taken out brutaly,no one would understand my pain,no one knows what i been thru,no one would see how hard it is to smile for me.Such a simple gesture,but takes me so much effort and pain to do so,cos my heart tells me im in pain,my face should show agony,and tears should naturally flow out everyday.

After a tiring day of work,finally i can go home and sleep,recently sleeping has been my only comfort,i could stay away from the world of pain,stay away from the noise,distract myself from the thought that your not there,sometimes i dream bout you,and i would have so much fun in my dream,sometimes i wish i had taken sleeping pills,maybe the dream could be longer,maybe i'll never had to wake up to face the truth that your not really there at all.

its the 9th day since you been gone

2011-01-18T04:02:00.000-08:00

Dear princess,where ever you are,just look up the sky and think of me,i looked up at the same blue sky thinking about you too,you might just felt the love,for we're just under the same sky,no matter how far apart we are,our heart would always be together.I bet you looked at the other half of my heart sometimes,and misses me while your precious tears ran down your cheeks.But dont you worry,your dearest Raven loves you so much still,as deep as the deep blue sea,as faithful as i'll wait for you.

If my mind was a piece of paper your could see,it'll be full of writings of your name,written all over,on every edge of it.If my heart was able to talk,you'll be hearing i miss you,over and over again,speaking louder and louder in such a painful tone,that could go right thru your heart,make you wanna cry,just like i how i cried you a river.

I need you,like the air i need to survive,i need you, to keep my heart beating,what is living without you,others think im mad,im crazy,im too silly to not flirt around or change my heart for easier life,they dont understand,you're all that i have,you're all that i needed,you're all that i want.If only they see you the way i do,they would see why i act this way,but they'll never love you the way i do,because im the only one for you,and you're the only one for me,we were born to be together.We should be so happy together,over the obstacles we shall came thru,we would have our love forever.

I wish i could steal you,take you away to a place only belongs to us,so we could cuddle all the time,without the disburbance of the outside world.I used to be a wild casual person that could go on blind dates with girls i dont even know,you changed me completely,i've never been this faithful to anyone before,i've never flirt at all since you been gone,all i ever talk about is you,all i ever talk to people is about how i've waited for you to come back.Telling the whole world how determined am i,waiting for you to come back.I just can't stop thinking,cant stop talking about you,you're my princess,my everything.

the 8th days since you been gone

2011-01-18T03:43:00.000-08:00

Today,i decided to go back shop take back your stuff,i dont wanna let others touch your stuff.Better for me to guard it myself till you come back.Every step i took to go there, was heavy,felt like so much memories rushing thru my brain,how i took the same routes there after work,and i'll expect to see your face when im there,today i know you won't be there,and its hurts,so bad.

I looked at all your belongings,same way its left there,untouched,it felt like you never left at all,but i know it isn't true,you're not here,i wont be seeing you any sooner,you've been stolen from me.I folded each piece of your clothes on my chest,its as if im hugging you in my arms,have your pressence around me,every piece seems to have your warmth,maybe i just misses you too much.

As i packed them all in my bag,i took off on my lonely road back home,how i wish i could held your hand right now, i could kiss your sweet cheeks like now too.The wait is so tough,its not easy to be strong,because you're all that i have,i want you back.I sometimes wondered if you felt the same too,or got carried away by the busy stuff going on there,did you forgot about me?Did you misses me as bad as i do for you, do you wish you could come back earlier to hug me tightly?

Would i just fade away from your memory as time goes by,would you forget about me,would you not even rmb how i looked like?Would i still have the same place in your heart,would you still be the same person i love when you're back.It's all i kept thinking of.Would you love me still?

Would they change you,would the enviroment there made your closer to others and not me.Would you still want me in your life again,could i still be the one you run to?My fears are slowly consuming me,im losing faith each day,that i might lose. Baby i love you so much,i wish we could finish what we wanted to do when you're back.

8th days since u been gone

2011-01-16T19:55:00.001-08:00

its a week and a day since you been gone baby,i had a dream last night,was bout we were going on a date,and i was waiting for the time to go meet you.I fall asleep and found myself overslept,let you waited for hours,and i've got 6missed calls from you.

i quickly called back,you told me you knew i was overslept,and you were so sad,just asked of me to come send you home,cos there's no time already,its 8.30pm.I was feeling so guilty,so sorry,i faster fix my hair wanted to rush out,but i just couldnt fix my hair,like really really bad hair day,i looked at the clock,i was so anxious,that i started crying non-stop.I think hard and realised was a dream,your not in sg,and i just woke up feeling happy,at least i wasnt that jerk that let you waited.But still sad im not gonna meet you soon.

I miss you baby,i really have no mood to do anything at all,just gonna stay home again,but im glad tonight can call you and chat.i wanna hear your sweet voice so badly,i hope your happy to know im still faithful to you,still the same raven that loves you so much,i've never let time change the way i love you.What i felt for you is irreplaceble,what i feel for you is true,it would last forever no matter what happen,even when we're seperated,even if im given free time and surrounded by temptation,i've never once thought of flirting,or cheat on you. I love you too much, and i've never fail to tell the whole world how much i loves you everyday.

Everyone just gave me their support in this wait for you,i feel lonely but am glad that ppl actually loves to me their support,i tot no one would understand,but they do.They encouraged me,and tell to me be strong,and told me after this,our love would be stronger,nothing else can ever tear us apart again,really no one in this world can ever seperate us again,cos we wont ever let that happen,i'll never forget how it feels like to lose you,how it feels like to wait for you,to miss you so much,and your so faraway. My love for you would be more matured,and its gonna last forever baby. PS i love you my precious baby.

its 7th day, a week since you been gone

2011-01-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

ITs been a week already, and i dint see you saying, you would do anything to come back early, why baby why?Why cant you come back,i hate myself for not being rich,rich enough to travel there like when i want to and just kipnapped you back to sg with me.You belong here with me,Why do you let other ppl take control of your life,why did you leave your decision of happiness in other person's hand? why baby why?

Dont you know you only got one life, and might only be your only chance at happiness now with me,why could'nt you just come back for me.THEY HAVE NO RIGHT to take away our happiness,if we're called selfish,then what are they,why imprison you,why seperated us like that.They dont care if your happy,they only want you living for them,being there and sticking around for them,they dont care for you like i do. They dont know you the way i do,they would just make you a slave forever,keep your freedom forever. You know you dont want that,you know cant live forever trying to please everybody,baby but you can make yourself happy, baby you gotta start thinking bout us,why must we waste time sacrificing for others?Do they even care that you dont even wanna be there in the 1st place,who are they to make all your choice,they are not even god himself.

Wake up baby,start thinking for yourself baby,i beg you.STOP what they're doing to torture you,dont let them take away your smile again,stop forcing yourself to be a good girl.We're not gonna be happy like this,break rules baby,do the things you gotta do to take back your freedom.

YES IM ANGRY,i am damn angry today,because i hate them so much for taking you away to that scary place i called hell.SG is place for us baby,its our home,we're born here,grew up here,its our heaven here,just come back baby,im still waiting for you.i love you so much.Forgive me for insulting them,but i just love you too much that makes hate them that much too.

ITs the 6TH DAY since you been gone

2011-01-15T19:00:00.000-08:00

DEAR baby, its the 6th day since you been gone,i dint know i could survive this long,life has been so different without you.Been making myself busy, still going out, and hanging out late so i could not have spare time to let my mind go crazy again.

If you were here with me,we would have spend a wonderful week together, we would be watchin movies, crashing at your place,cuddling,just sticking together,having such fun times together.I truly hates my life now,like i dont know what im living for anymore,im so lost without you.

They say the more you dont think of it, the time would pass faster,but they dint say,everything would just remind you of the sad part when you dont wanna think of it,even when your busy,or even when you're trying to have some fun,it just hits you suddenly,and you'll still be depress about how time is so torturing.

I cant have fun,cant enjoy,cant be smiling for real when im without you, with you is so easy,i dint even had to try,you always have a way to make me smile,you could easily washed away all my worries and filled my heart with so much joy.

My smile is only for you, my laughter only for you,cos you took my heart when you left me,it was never just you that went away,you a part of me,i was never me again.Im seriously numb now,i couldnt be excited anymore,couldnt be thrilled by any sort of good news except from getting your msg. Baby please try your best to come back,for our love, at least try.

5th day since you been gone

2011-01-14T08:16:00.000-08:00

I just got a sms from other country, asking me if im rafael, is that from you?i dont even know should i call back or not. And then you sms me its you, and you called me a asshole. soo bad, hey what a nice thing to call me, after i missed you so much.

but im so relief too!!i've been so worried bout you,thinking whats wrong, what had happen, how come i dont hear from you, it was so scary you know?

I can finally breath again, im so so so soooo happy to know you are healthy and okay, thats all i needed to know baby. I know you missed me, i do. i just wondered did you think i was gonna missed you so too.

Now you believe im faithful? After reading my blog, you should be able to tell my life has been so grey and sad, i wasnt happy at all living this single lifestyle. I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU, I HAD A LIFE WHEN I HAD YOU, WHEN I LOST YOU,I'VE EVERYTHING, AND EVERY ABILITY TO SMILE OR ENJOYED ANYMORE.

I hoped you're able to trust me more and have a strong faith in our love when you came back, really see what we been through together, and nothing can ever break us apart, not even time, not even when you're far apart and im free to do things to betray you, im truly faithful and i love you so much, and only getting deeper each day.

the 4th day since u been gone

2011-01-13T06:22:00.000-08:00

Today i watched my 1st movie ever since your gone, with my best buddy wei jie. I chose the corner sits like we always did, cos i couldnt change my habit, and i dont want to.
We went to bugis illuma,everything reminds me of you,im so depressed eventhough wei jie kept cracking jokes to distract me.

We've watch love and the other drugs, its such a touching romantic love movie, was fooled by the poster, tot it was a funny comedy. It was funny, and its so much bout sex,M18 show, but its full of dramatic content too.

About the guy who sleeps and flirt round, finally settling down for a girl he loves, she had parkinston dieases, theres no cure, and eventually she would lost ability to live on her own. She resent having relationship, knowing its unfair to let the guy suffer and she doesnt wants to be a burden. So she kept asking the guy to leave, go away, dont fall in love with her, she dont need anyone.

She so totally reminds me of you, i wanted to cry while watching the whole movie,cos i can relate to that guy, i know why he is so sure he is in love, why he stayed no matter how bad her temper is. He stick around no matter what. Just like me who stayed for you, i knew you needed me too.Its such a great movie, i wished i had watched this with you before you left,i regreted so badly we dint watch this movie together. If we did, we would both be so touched, and i'll be holding your hand through out the whole show, and feel so thankful that we have each other.

Its not the same without,i know you want me have fun while your gone,i just couldnt, baby, i tried, i cant, i cant be happy without you. i miss you soooo fucking much.. i love you.86 more days to go,hope i can pull thru.

its the 4th day since you been gone,86 more to go

2011-01-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

Baby, its 1:51 am in the morning, what cha doing over the other side? It should be round 8pm night time on your side of the world. Did you missed me? I cant sleep,i've been looking at the photos of you, i miss you so much, so much that i couldnt sleep, i close my eyes and i'll see you.

its been 4 days, why havent you call yet?Its more than you told me to be wait, how long more baby?I gotta hear your voice, i really really need to know that your okay, why torture my poor heart like that. Why is our fate so sad, why let us be in love and have to tear us apart by fate too, is it our destiny to be tortured like this? We meant to be, why is it so easy for us to meet but so hard for us to be together, how many more obstacles to overcome, how many tears we
have to cry, how many lies do we have to tell, how many times of heartache and seperation to go, till we're finally together?

We belong together, and its so plain to see, no matter how they try to stopped us, we still together, wasnt it enough for us to deserve some happiness.Why so cruel, why must fate joke with us like that,if its our destiny to meet, to be in love, why couldnt just let us be, let us have our happy ending soon.I hate myself for not able to kipnapped and elope together, i wished i had done that long ago, then we wont have to pretend and suffer anymore.

I wanna steal you, i wanna bring you to a place nobody knows us, start a new life together, hold hands in public, hug you whenever i want to, dont give a damn how people would see us, because i dont care.We shouldnt care bout the fools in this world who wanna tear us apart, we live our own life, we deserved to be happy in our own life, no others should make that choice in our life.

No one can snatch away our happiness, because we meant to be, we're a match made in heaven, i was born to the world to find myself to you, you are my perfect half. Our emotions and behaviour, and thoughts, everything so compatible, i could feel what you felt baby, we're insync. No one can love your the way that i do, and nobody can ever take your place baby.

Nothing had changed baby,im still the same me, same love for you, same faitfulness just for you. Please come back to me baby, we spend our worried too much for others, lets be selfish for our love baby, be selfish for me. Do what you can to be back with me again baby, i have faith that we'll meet sooner than 3months. Im waiting for your good news ok.. i cant wait to hug you, cant wait to see your angel smile so badly, its killing. Im still waiting for you baby, please reply soon baby.

the 3rd day since you been gone

2011-01-11T17:49:00.000-08:00

oh my god, the 3rd day is the worse,im starting to feel you disappeared in my life,i couldnt get to you in anyway i can. I miss YOU sooooooo much, but there's nothing i could do to get to you. I feel so lost, so lonely, so helpless, because i cant get hold of you.

It hurts to smile when your gone,it even feels wrong to be laughing at all, Baby where are you, come back to me soon,when are you gonna call me, you told me to wait, but how long? Its scary when you dont know how long the wait is,i just wanna know your safe and sound, and happy. I wanna hear your healthy voice, wanna hear your laughter so badly. Im so worried about you, But there's no way to get to you, when you dont come look for me 1st. Im going mad.

If your wondering if im having too much fun without you, im not,everything reminds me of you, there's not a second could i forget about you. Nothing puts my mind off you, you know how painful my heart is feeling everyday. I dont have your number, dont have anyway to contact you, what am i supposed to do now baby?

Can you show me the way to make you stay? Can you tell me you had tried everything to come back early and be with me? Its hard to be patient, I Gotta see you soo badly. I wanna hold you so tighly, wanna hold your hands too.

i want to feel your warmth again, wanna feel your hand touching my face,i'll give my all to have just one night with you.It has been the longest week in my life, i gotta hear from you soon baby. Promise me you'll write a long letter back to me. i love you so much.

its the 2nd day since you been gone

2011-01-11T05:02:00.000-08:00

hey baby, hows life there? I wonder if its too cold, so afraid you would be freezing there, then you would became a beautiful ice statue, haha just kidding. I miss you soo much, hope that you would be happy to know, today im much stronger, i dint cry at all, im stlong ok! Proud of me?

There's so many things i want to say to you, so many things i wanna hear from you too, and my stupid phone line got suspended today, i thought was my sim card having a problem, went to doby ghaut check, ended up wasted my trip, my mum dint pay enough again. How can she do this to me, made me so worried like a running ant on a hot plate.

I was so worried, i might missed a call from you, im still waiting for your msg, and your call, been waiting for so long, i felt so mad when my phone lost service.I felt like completely losing contact with you, oh my god, my heart was so painful, so worried you might thought i changed my number or what.

thanks to alvin,i had company today, wasnt free enough to anyhow think, and drive myself nuts again. Baby you promised you would call, how long more must i wait, i've staring at my phone all the time, nothing from you :(

Its as if my phone died, and so was my heart, i stopped caring for anything else at all, i couldnt hear anything what people said, i couldnt remember anything that doesnt concerns you.You know i was so worried today that i dint had appetitte, ate 2 mouthful and dumped my rice.

im so sad without you,i lost my smile since you been gone, i lost a part of me too, and my heart had flew to you already. I just couldnt feel, couldnt think, couldnt smile without you. I wanna hear from you soon, am going crazy.. i love you so much..

1st day since you been gone

2011-01-10T04:57:00.000-08:00

Today i woke up at 6.40 am, working morning shift till 6.30pm, that usually is my fave shift, cos after work i know i can see you. It kills me inside knowing that, today im without you, i dont have a reason to be happy or excited bout morning shift again.

I had a dream today, i dreamt that i was really flying, and really a black bird flew over to see you.I saw you in a rural village there, you were all sad and lonely among a crowd of strangers. I can only watch you from above, wish i could hug you, but you seemed so untouchable,surrounded by all those people. I cried, and my heart was torn apart, i missed you so much, but there's nothing i could do to be close to you, i wished i really had wings to fly over, and look at you all the time.

I woke up with tears in my eyes, knowing its just another dream, your still far apart from me.Finally i dragged myself out for work,while waiting for my train, i stared at my phone, looking at all the messages you had send me, its so painful to read, because i cant reply you, i cant reach you, and i know i'll never get your sms soon. It was so quiet, as if my phone was dead, i had no reason to msg anymore, your not there anymore.

So painful, so lonely, and so empty, but its only the beginning of the count down of days without you, 1 day felt like a year.Its so scary that my life had suddenly became back when i was a loner, single again,it sucks,every msg i got from friends, how i wished was from you, knowing its impossible,i really felt like breaking down and cry, but baby i promised i'll be strong, so i swallowed all my tears.It felt so sour, and painful, and tongue stucked, i couldnt even speak, knowing that tears would just gust out of eyes, and i would lose control.

As i were walking down the street, it was cold, and i couldnt help thinking were you freezing there? Oh how i wished i could hold your hands right now, warm them up with my warm hands the way you like it. I stared at the sky, wondering at the same moment were you staring at the sky too thinking about me.

I wished you'll think of me when you see the stars above the night sky, because i've staring at the sky wondering how you were at afar. We're under the same sky, yet so far apart driven by fate, i had never saw it coming this soon, i thought we had more time. Wished we had went to escape theme park earlier, at least we've been to flyer. Please come back to me sooner, im counting down the days since you been gone, i love you so much. Dont cry too much for me, dont suffer from headache cos of me, i dont wish to see your beautiful eyes all red too, my love.

You've got a way with me

2011-01-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

You've got a way with me, you gave me the faith to find my dreams,somehow you've got me to believe,its in the way you want me, its in the way you love me, its in the way you need me.It's just the way you are,you made me wanna settle down to have my own family with you.

Somehow you got me believing i could be a hero, i could be your man, i could be anything you want me to be, as long as you love me, i have the faith to be your everything, i want to be the one that can bring you a new life, could turn the page of your life.

I was timid, i was weak, i was scared, i have no confident before, you made me a hero. You made me wanna give in all that i have to make you happy, to be with you,im willing to make any sacrifices, im willing to take on any challenge, im willing to give up my life for you, what could be worse that could happen to me,it would be if i ever had to live without you.

After i found you, i wasnt afraid anymore, nothing was scary anymore,because the end of the day, i know i still got you, you're always gonna be there when i fall. Nothing could be that scary anymore, because i know, i've got you, i have you,im still holding on to my happiness, your my heaven.

Others find me not paying attention, not listening to a word they say, they could think i live in my own world, they dont understand why do i always look afar. Because my heart wasnt there, it had flew right by your side, i look afar, counting down how many mins, how many seconds, how many hours more to go, so i could be with you. I live in my world, because nothing interest me, only you have the key to my heart, or i rather stay in the dream i built, filled with images of you, and the laughter we shared, all i could hear is your sweet voice telling me all the sweetest things, how do i spare a space for other things. Life is too short to be wasted, i live my everyday thinking about how im gonna spend my life with you.

Time is never enough, i hate to say good byes, if only the moment would just stay there, i wanna be in your arms forever, never ever wanna leave you.

still the one

2011-01-07T09:10:00.000-08:00

First time i heard this love song, it was when i was much younger, thought the melody was nice, never really felt anything at all. Till the day i heard it again, at shop,while it happened to be in your phone play list. I can't help but relate to that song bout us. How we first met, how i couldnt take my eyes off you.

Of what we been thru, everything just flashed back to mind instantly, till the song chorus part, sang you're still the one i love, and i turned at looked at your face.How glad i was, we're still together, im so happy, the same smile im looking at, still the same it makes me feel. Your still the reason why my heart beats fast, still the one i run to, still the one i belong to, still the only i dream of.

Old song, i've heard so many times before, after i met you, i can finally understand the song,it is our heart song.Truly describe what we have now, wasnt easy, we came a long way, but im so glad we made it.

So many times we thought of giving up, look how far we've come my baby, see what we wont be missing.Im so glad i went to confirm shoe at UH, im so glad im was such cheeky boy, to asked you so many questions, imagined how things would happen differently if i wasnt thick skin enough to ask so much. They say curiousity kills a cat, but i say, curiousity started the 1st page of my love story. If i wasnt eager enough to wanna find out more about you, if you wasnt feeling the same too, if your wasnt as curious as i am to find out more, our fate would never be so closely drawn together.

What if i've never made the 1st step, what if you were off that day, what if i was never there, what if i had never called to check. We would have passed each other just like that, never knew our perfect half is out there,so close,yet no chance to meet, all the happiness we would been missing. I can never dare to imagine any part of memory with you being erase off my mind, their too precious, and the best thing ever happen to me.

I would have never felt love if i havent got you. My life would be a living nightmare, i would still be a loner, searching for a reason to carry on, still wasting my life away on people that'll never be as perfect as you, i would never felt so right ever, never know what love supposed to be. Wake up to world that dont care for me as much as you did for me. I'll still be blind folded by lies and disguses of ugly truth, and trapped in a maze illusion i thought was love, the more i struggled, the more i sank in, till i lost myself totally.

Just about time for me to lose all hope, you showed me back to love, you showered me with your undivided attentions, your always there for me with your tough love. Your showed me that glimpse of light, just when im about to die and forever be numb of feelings. Your that one that held my heart so tenderly in your hands, love me so deeply, so truefully, so sincere, so real, i could almost touched it, not just feel it.

Thank your for saving me, thank your for loving me, thank you for letting me in your heart, and staying my heart too. Thank you for being still the one for me, thank you for letting me still being the one you love too..

the last day of 2010

2011-01-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

I just suddenly had the wildest thought of what i just gotta do on the last day of 2010,i wanna do something that we'll rmb for life, and i just got my pay so why not.Ive been talking bout going to singapore flyer for ages,but i was only stucked at planning, thinking,never happen, till the last day of the year!!! I faster folded clothes and clear whatever i had to at store, to ran out to meet you.

Im still glad we're able to cab there and got the tickets, pampering you just makes me so freaking happy. As we marched down to the Q, even had to X-ray our bags for checkin at check points, my god, it felt like going to air port, and then line up for taking pictures, like we're going to jail. After all the trouble finally able to go onboard to the capsule, man was it slow, and abit cramp plus noisy with other ppl. cant believe someone even proposed too, cant believe we withness some couple getting engaged. And was so annoyed by the korean and china family, what a conbination, so distractingly noisy.

So sorry that i drank the water first, when i offered you first, ahahaha, basic instinct cos i was thirsty too, sorry, you looked away, i thought you dont want. HAHAH its even more funny when you asked me if i could felt wind near my feet, please baby, im wearing sport shoes, your wearing slippers, you want me to feel what wind? wahaha, and the tiny ants walking all around when we looked down from above, am so glad we're not 1 of them, sweating and pushing around, for the count down.

And tiny ants dancing, from above they looked likes ants crawling in flashing lights.The night view from above is so beautiful, it could have been pefect if we're alone in the capsules and not with them. The only regret i had that night was never had the perfect dinner, i miscountculated that shops closes early, no place to eat at, let you go on starvation im so sorry, lucky was able to got you cookies from subway.

At last, sending to you mrt stn, wasnt expecting we could sat there till 12sharp, and still able to see a glimpse of fireworks when we're already so far away from town. HAHAH its so full of suprises when im with you,its almost like god want us to see all the amazing things together.His way if telling us that we're meant to be, so our life is full of chances and happenings.

im still thinkin bout 2010

2011-01-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

My brain is like video player, always playing memories of what i wanted to relive, one of them was the trip to sentosa with you.If i havent met you, i would never be going there so soon, im always thinking too much, and ended up never going to places where i wanted to go, always be left at the same spot, not moving anywhere, not making changes. All thanks to you, you inspired me to do alot of things, went to places i only talked bout, never have the time to go.

For you i have to try alot of things, im trying for your love,i've been hiding enough. Must step out from that box, stepped out of my safety zone to experience life with you. Without you, i would had never imagined myself playing badminton on sentosa beach, with mickey prints on it, and with me without a hair do, without dressing smart, just having pure fun with you, forgetting how stupid i looked while i kept falling down on the sands.

Hahaha, my heart almost fell out, when you fell down on the sands while playing with me, i was so scared, and there you were, sitting on sands with your cute belly laughing and laughing,then shout out to me that your fine, your so cute.

Your the most active pregnant lady i've ever seen.I'll never forget how happy you made me felt that day. That memory you gaven me could made me smile all day. Those sandwhiches you made me was the best i ever tasted, being with you could made me super fat, your such a great cook.Pamper me so badly, im like your big baby too.

Back when everyone was a kid, we knew how to have fun, just dont care, we'll do anything that we thought was fun, we grew up and forgot all about that, with you, you bring out the kid in me again, ITS just so fun, to looked stupid with you, to pull you around everywhere i go, hold hands just holding our little finger, so funny. Walking around like we're drunkards, dont know how to walk straight. Its funny but i dont care cos im with you, its like walking on clouds, brain just dont think straight anymore, we're in heaven.

I thought it was childish to go see the song of the sea,but i did it with you, and it was so fun, although i was having a upset stomach tat day. HAHA so funny, i felt like a jelly dragging my legs there, dying, but its just fine cos im with you. There was the flashing lights, so colourful, so surreal, the images, and the fireworks was so cool,so pretty,and the water kept sprayin at us.

Its so amazing to go sentosa with you, playin in the water, not in swimming suit, just what we wore to the beach, hahaha, i've never thought i would do such crazy stuff with you. And the indian couple we saw, the gay chine couple playing in the water too, i dont know why, but my life with you is just meant to filled with so much weird funny happenings and incidents i never thought i would encountered. Us together is just like firework!!Always so short, not enough time in a day to spend with you, 24 hours and 7days a week is even too short, i want more,more more more, just gotta stick to you every second and do everything together, never ever be apart!!!

how i feel about 2011

2011-01-02T20:53:00.000-08:00

Looking back at 2010,its like a blink of my eye. so fast, before i could even think, i changed my job, everything surrrounding me is different now. Not to mention i have a baby in my life now,haha actually 2 babies, big and small both adorable.I have a family now,i was alone before, now filled with cute noises they both love to make..Sooo cute, to watch them both make the sounds together, like mother, like baby.

At the beginning, my eyes was so teary, heart filled with so much doubts, so afraid what the future would have for us, as i hugged her so tightly, after she told me she is expecting.Its scary when you don't know what to expect, it makes you think alot, how we're gonna handle things, whats gonna happen to us both.

Back then i thought we were never gonna make it thru, somehow we would just fall apart, and our love would fade away affected by all the overturns in life. I couldnt see our future together too, my faith was dying away everyday. As i watched you suffer everyday, and your belly getting bigger, i never thought it was gonna be this hard just by seeing you going thru all that. Your emotions getting bigger each day, temper getting rough, throwing fix every now and then.

Sometimes you would just explode, and attack me with your anger, like a cannon ball, so scary,but then after all the explosion, you started to weep, showed me your soft side, as you let your emotions all out. I don't know what you were going thru, but to see you going thru all that changes, kills me deep inside day by day.So i kept telling myself i ain't gonna leave you, no matter what, i knew you needed me the most that time, so i chose to endure your pain with you, i dont blame you for hurting, i wanted to help, i wished i could take the pain all the away, wish i could stopped you from losing your appetite, stopped all the vomiting, but im only human, all i could do is to show that i care, im not going anywhere, always be there when you needed me.

It wasnt easy to make you happy anymore, but i didn't care, i wasnt going to give up at all,just wanted to give you my best to take care of you.I cant tell you how much i love you baby, because was never enough to describe how i felt bout you, i hoped you could felt it from my heart.

Many times you asked me to leave, tell me how much you hated me, tell me you dont need me at all, all you wanted was for me to leave. I know that aint true, i know you would be lost and hopeless without me, i knew its your anger talk again. Deep down you're crying out out for me, hoping so much i would stay,and wishin we can make it thru together. I always knew that baby, you needed me, no matter how much you love denying it.

Im soo glad we've made it thru, whats the best memory of 2010? It was the night i knew you were okay, and baby was healthy, it was the greatest relief for the ten long months i've been constantly worrying about, think i grew more grey hair by worrying bout you girls, my precious darlings.

It seems like only yesterday, your belly was so big and round like a big ball, oh how much i loved rubbing and kissing it. SO belly cute, my sweet darling.WAHAHAHA i cant wait to see you soon my precious treasures. LOve YOU 2 SOOO DAMN much, most important ladies in my life.

~princess,how i love you so~

2010-12-30T05:40:00.000-08:00

I just realised i had been blind and suffering from bad taste throughout my teenage years.All this time,what i thought was beauty, was just shallow,breakable plastics. Fraglie, cos, underneath was empty, outside disguised by lies.

Till the day i met chenelle, she opened my eyes, im able to see, she is most beautiful girl i've ever laid eyes on. Her shiny big eyes, long luxiourious black eye lashes, sexy kissable lips, her face was perfect its flawless.She seems too good to be real, i kept questioning myself, have I encountered a angel, is she even human? She looked so exotic like a combination shakira and BEYONCE, so hot i cant bear to even blink.

Dressing so classy, her hair is so stylish, i even wondered if she is a superstar, i would love to be her paparazzi, stalk her to the end of the world. Not forget to her mention her lovely laughter, its so addictive, keeps me wanting more, made me wanna act stupid just wanna crack her up, and hear her laugh again. The satisfaction she can gives me is never before!! All i WANNA DO IS TO BE WITH HER EVERY SINGLE DAY. Im so obessesed with her, and i love it so much.

If she was the star in the sky, i would be the fool that stares at the night sky all night. I cant keep my eyes off her cute face, her lovely pretty face. If she was a flame, i'll be that moth that flies to her, ignoring the fact that i would burn, and die while admiring her beauty. If she was a rose, i dont mind being the soil, under her feet, keeps blossom everyday, protect and love her in everyway i can. If she was a statue, i would be the boy that sits around, talks to her, keeps her company everyday.

She is so smart, so strong, so funny, she tickles my heart, like a innocent child, with her i cant help but giggles alot, cos she made me so happy, i cant bottle up my joy, my pure anxiety, every second with her is pure heaven.

MY new love, my last, my only

2010-02-21T19:24:00.000-08:00

Hey baby, this is for you!Remember what you said in my room,that you think i dont value you like i did for her?Well this is the 1st entry after 1year, just for you!I have to say im most blessed and most fortunate to have found you. You taught me what is true love, you showed me why it takes two hands to clap, and love is about give and take, not my one sided sacrificing for people that dont even care. Where have you been, all my life, i met so many wrong women, to have finally found you. Walked a really big round, but very glad we're not too late to be together, do you know you matches to everything i ever wished for. You are the only one, my miss perfect, i don't know what i would do without you.

Thank you so much, for showing the equal love i have for you to me, you're the only one gives me back the same love. With you its so easy, i have no doubts, am always so sure you love me too, everytime i looked into your eyes, i see my face reflection, felt that i am all that you need, and you are all that i need too.

You always need my hand to warm your freezing hands, and i always need to hold them too, i would never want to let you go. You are the best thing that happen to my boring life,its never hard to find the words to say to you. I could always guessed what you're thinking, and you could always finish my sentance by just looking at my face.We are meant for each other, like everything was meant to be, fate has lead my way to you, times and times again i tried to pushed you away, but you never did left me. If it wasnt for your tough love, i would have been left alone and lead a very empty painful life.

Your sweet sunshine smile, is the favourite thing i love about you, i wanna be with you for the rest of my life, till my last breath. I love your smile so much, because it makes me feel electrified, makes me so happy, at the same time afriad that i would never get to see it again, so i never dare to make you sad, if the smile goes away, my heart would break away too.

I love the feeling of running my fingers in you hair, because your hair smells so sweet, just like your perfume,driving me mad. Im so crazily addicted to you, love the way you kiss me, always makes me blushed, love the way it felt to kiss your soft cheeks.

Remember the times you kissed my eye? Felt like you really kissed away all my pain, filled me with joy of all your warm love. Wish you are the first person i see whenever i wake up in the morning, and the last lips i kissed before i sleep every night, i wanna stick with you forever, i wanna grow old with you, i never want to be apart from you, I want to marry you, and someday make you my bride!!! i love you so much my sweet sweet baby!!!!!!!!!

~secret garden Chapter 3~

2009-02-04T23:30:00.000-08:00

Lucas led her to a huge forest,Taylor still could not believe how she did came to this green paradise. Flowers bloom,rich green fields everywhere,looks like the winter has not affected the plants at all.

Taylor:"Why are the roses still alive and so so..lively, don't they wither?

Lucas:" ahh,i forgot to tell you, nothing dies in here, everyone thats living don't grow old,even flowers bloom forever. There is only peace and joy. No pain, no sickness and basically no sufferings.Its like heaven!!

Taylor:"no more tears too?

Lucas:" well there is,but its tears of joy. Everyone is happy and easily satisfied here.Everybody loves everybody.Unlike the world i used to live in,i was living in such pain in your world.Things are simple here.

They sat down on the grass,silence everywhere,they kept quiet and just stare at the stars up in the dark sky.Words cannot describe what they are both feeling inside,the connection between the 2 is so close,its as though they known each other for a very long time.It was cold,so they both cuddled,soon,she falls asleep in his arms.Lucas could'nt sleep at all,he was looking at her,funny how the way she sleeps with a grin on her face.He finds that very cute,could'nt help but kept admiring her charming sweet smile.

After they woke up, to her surprise they were surrounded by little elves and fairies, and the animals, all gathered around. Rabits and squrriels talking with the elves in human language. While she is still calming herself down that the fact that animals could talk, everyone was cheering and looks like they're celebrating something.

Thomas the elf:" Good morning Lucas!! i see you have a compainion after so long. You 2 look so cute together, care to join us for the tea party?We've got lots of hot pan cakes and honey milk too.There's plenty for you 2.

Lucas:' Haha you all really gave her a surprise. Well my fellow mates, this is Taylor, my new found friend.Taylor meet my friends,they are the adorable elves and fairies, and not to forget my beloved creatures of the forest.They the most loving beings u can find, dont worry,they would never harm anyone.

Their breakfast was amazing,pancakes,milk,chocolate pudding,fruit salad,cupcakes and even brownies.Anything that you call desserts they have it.

Taylor:" wow you guys eats that much for breakfast? like everyday? how come you don't grow fat?

Wanda the fairy:" Everyone is pretty and cute,i thinks its got to do with the no sufferings,we just looks good everyday no matter how much we ate. SO don't worry bout your weight. Just be happy.

Taylor:" wow IT IS HEAVEN!! I can live with that.hahaha.i can even have the cute animals be my soul mate,wow,i could have lot of friends here.

Lucas:" And you said u would miss your world,hahahaha Now u know why i stayed here for decades.

Taylor:' I love here, but what about my mum.She's the only person i loves.i cant just leave her like that.Please bring me back later, i gotta go back to her.

Lucas:' I would miss you, but okay,i will,and look at your cat,he's really enjoying himself.

Everyone stared at tipsy, he was cuddling with another sassy cat. Everyone laughed and teased him,the world have given tipsy the ability to talk too..

Tipsy:" cant we stay longer?? Please..pretty please..i promise i'll not scratch your dresses anymore.

Taylor:" OH so now you can talk, And wait a mintue,it was you who ruined my dress!!And i thought the rats bite it,oh you little..

Lucas laughed at stared at Taylor with such amusement.

Taylor:" Ok fine..we'll stay alittle longer,when we're back, you better stay away from my closet..

secret garden

2008-11-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

~Secret Garden~

chapter 2

Taylor felt so helpless,then she heard a very familiar sound,getting closer,and closer. To her surprise,it was Tipsy that's meowing to her,finally a companion,and Taylor was too happy to figure how the hell did she followed her here.She cuddled Tipsy in her arms so tight,nearly choked her.Still,it seems impossible to get out,the night is getting darker,mist everywhere, she feel like giving up,just wanna lay somewhere and sleep.

She feels its pointless wandering in the dark,so she laid down with tipsy in her arm,hoping she can sleep the nite away,and maybe when the sun is up,she can find her way back.She close her eyes,trying to sleep,but something scared the hell out of her. She hears foot steps, sounds of sticks cracking,someone is coming closer, "could it be a wolf?" she thought to herself."Oh please don't hurt me, don't hurt tipsy"she shouted at that misty figure.

That creature stopped,and speak to her in a gentle tone"Don't worry, im not gonna harm you,Im Count Lucas,who are you? And how did u get here?"
Taylor was shocked," OH MY GOD!!GHOST!!" screamed Taylor.

Count Lucas:"Shhhhh! speak softly, you would wake everyone up,calm down lady,Im not dead,im alive,i can live forever."

Taylor:" Don't lie!! I don't believe you,you must be a ghost,how is it possible for you to still look so young,DON'T COME NEAR ME."she shouted.

Lucas:"haha.I told ya,i can live forever here,i would not age of cause,please don't be afraid of me,if im dead,would my hands be warm?

Lucas walked over and hold her hand,Taylor just closed her eyes,dare not look at him directly.His hands were so warm,Taylor opened her eyes, can't help but looked into his charming blue eyes. She find it so unbelievable,how is it possible, he looked like he is in his 20s,how did he gain immortality.

Taylor stared at him with her eyes wide open,"...o...k, i believe you,im sorry,i sneaked into your house,and read your diary,i thought you must be really cold out there,i wanted to give you my coat.Looks like you're warm enough.Im sorry anyway."

Lucas laughed,:" Oh my, there's never been any human that's been so nice to me,you're the 1st,don't worry,you already warm me enough with your heart.Im so honoured."

He bowed to her, and smiled back to her with such grace, so gentlemen, so lovely.She felt so attracted to him once again,those eyes back in the portrait, were so lonely,so needy. But now she could feel he is so much happier,could it be the world he spoke of? thought taylor.

Taylor:" can you show me to your "world",i promise, it would be our secret,i would not tell anyone,the secret is between you & me."

Lucas:" Don't you have friends & family outside?Im afraid if you come with me, you would be missing them in no time, are you sure? You would fall in love with it once you stepped in.

Taylor:" I just want to have a peek at the perfect world u speak of,rest assure its just for a while,my mum is waiting for me, i would go back after i seen enough.please."

Lucas smiled:" How can i reject you? im honoured to have you as my companion,you are such an angel.But please don't break the promise, or i would destroy the passage way myself.I shall not let anyone harm my friends."

Lucas held her hand,and led her to a big oak tree, it looked so giantic. He placed his palm against the tree,and wispered softly to the tree,like some spells.Then they stepped back, a door like shaped beggin to appear on the surface of the tree trunk. He pushed the door, and the inside is so dark like a tunnel.

They walked in, with big steps, and him leading the way.

secret garden

2008-11-24T21:13:00.000-08:00

~Secret Garden~

chapter one

Once upon a time, there lives a young lady living in a small town.Her name was taylor,she was the fairest girl in town,her beauty was outstanding. Such a living goddess,such perfectness,yet a humble heart she has.

Every girl is jealous of her beauty, so no one ever praised her,everyone just enjoyed putting her down.She always thought she was not good enough,she don't deserve anything that's good.
So she lives a humble life, with her mother, a widow.Taylor wished she could always remember how her father looked like,always afriad as time goes by,the memory of him would only fade away in time.Life was never fair for young Taylor, her father died on christmas day, when she was 10.

Poor Mister Smith, Taylor's father, he was on his way back from getting the gifts for his wife and Taylor, but he was attacked by a wolf.That was the coldest winter taylor can remember.
Deep in her heart, she wished for a friend, a friend to talk to,someone that would love her for the person she is, not by her looks.Many men tried to persue her,but all rejected,because of their hidden agenda.They don't love her,they just want to have her,like owning the best girl in town.

All she has, was her cat, little tipsy,that furry snow white persian cat. That fat cat was her father's, it was given its name because when its sleepy,it'll walk like a drunkard.

Right at the end of the town,the big mansion that nobody dares speak of,they said it was haunted.
20 years ago,the owner of the house,Count Lucas,lived there,then 1 day he went missing. He was nowhere to be found, no one seen him left the house. Rumour has it,that he was killed by his butler, and buried alive in the big garden behind the mansion.The house soon became the forbbiden house,the unholy place that no 1 dares come near.

Taylor always walked to the house,just to peek in, cause somehow,she feels that she can relate to the mansion, she thinks she belongs there somehow. Just like the house, she is not liked by anyone, so isolated.

Finally on this christmas night,where every1 is enjoying the christmas moments at home. Taylor decided she wants to explore that big mansion, she been dying to find out the secrets in it,her curiousity is killing her.Sneak out of bed, running out on street without any1 notice is easy, everyone else is too busy celebrating.Suprisingly,the giant gate of the big mansion was not locked but wide open,like it awaiting for her arrival.

Without any effort,she easily went inside the house, the doors are wide open too. She lighted up the candle on the small table cover with dust. Slowly she walks up the stairs through the hall way, she can't help but keep staring at the portrait of count Lucus. His blue eyes,so charming,yet seems so lonely. Like telling her,he need a friend too,he needs to be loved.She found his bedroom, and saw his dairy lying on his table,its rude,but she can't help it,but start reading it.

Seems like Lucas was insane, he speak of imaginery being he saw in his garden, he said his friends lived in his garden. He rather stay there and live forever,than to live in the cruel reality.
He believed there's another world existing in there, a secret passage way that only he knows.No one else is to find out, human would only harm the magical creatures, and he decided to live there forever.

Taylor felt so sad,she thought to herself " what a poor men,he must have felt so unwanted that he rather live in his dreams, for so long, he must have died in his own garden,his fantasy had drived him to his grave." She feels she has to find his body,she wants to give him her coat, to give him some warmth,letting him know someone cares.Hoping he could rest in peace.

She starts finding her way to the back of the mansion. Its been ages,now the garden are all covered with weeds, so dark, so eriee, she swallowed, and pick up her guts to step in.The bushes of roses,all withered in this cold winter.Not a living plant she can find inside, just dead bushes and trees with no leaves. Further she steps, the bigger it seems, that garden do look bigger from the inside, she looked back and everywhere around her looked the same, now where is the way back. She got lost, and kept moving forward, only find herself trapped in.

friends

2008-07-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

Roses red,roses charms,
draw me closer with your beauty,
You have thorns,I can't see,
danger lies within,
still,i keep going,
did i hesitate? No i did not,
Weeds are green and stubborn,
slow me down,blocks my way,
they keep talking,keep coming,
warnings of good intentions,
doing what they can,to save me from pain,
but what do i care?
roses keep wispering her tender words,
got me like a desperate fool,
step and cut,i turn them down,
pushing them away,
in times,passion fade away,
once i got myself cuts and wounds.
roses withers,left me with my pain alone
turn back to see,
weeds looking my way,with open arms,
welcoming back a morseful friend,
is it too late to regret? i ask
silence surrounded me,
i fall into the comfort of their arms,
crying,while they answered,
its never too late for you my friend.

This is for YOU ALL my friends!! esp weijie! and of cos u BROY!I spend alot of times thinking bout the friends i have,and what i did to them, how u you guys had showered me with tolerance and patience!Just so you know,broy time wld not kill our friendship,it would only be stronger, Take care dear broy..think for yourself sometimes! its ok to pamper yourself! Stop feeling guilty to have pleasure..
Weijie,i own you alot!!U are the most faithful friend i ever have! thank you for what you've done for me all this time.i would Use the time i have in my life to repay your unselfish kindness..no 1 can ever replace you, don't worry

chalet reunion.

2008-06-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

WOAH..im finally back from my super tiring exhausting chalet trip at downtown east.Replenished with energy, for i accidentally fell asleep last nite.Actually planned to have another bbq section last nite,but every1 was just too tempted to sleep,becos i was the 1st to be sleeping,and every1 else got affected by me.The urge of sleeping was stronger than their hunger.

I had been dead,while the rest of the folks were playing some poker game,they seems to be really excited,& made alot of noise,i couldn't sleep,so i turned on my phone playing loud speaker,the song sunny days,i put repeat,so the song went on and on and on and on & on,then it goes alot more times round 2 hrs,still it goes on & on & on & on & on and on,untill i fell asleep,and they got irritated and turn it off.LOLS SORRY PPL.

I never tot i would agree to go theme park with them,and i did went with them.Seems like its wasn't so scary as it seems,just that,those rides that put me high and low,makes my stomach upside down,makes me feel alittle uneasy.Too much air pressure,high up,gives me the super uneasy feeling,that i had to grab something,so all thanks to my bro bro leslie,i got someone to grab on,LOLX.SORRY,if i pinched u too hard..LOLS. thanx dude.To psyco me to take alot more rides,they used the small janelle to provoked,as they challenged me,if janelle,who's the size of a 12 year old girl dare to take the rides,what excuse do i have not the guts to join in. The pressure was strong,so i tried like everything in the theme park,making my face pale like powder and my body sweats like hell under the burning sun.

oh yea!! People who read this, don't waste your time at huanted house at escape! it sucks! a 3 year old kid can walk out smiling still after it. okay fine,so janelle and siew zhen were freaking scared in it,and siew zhen was sticking to me throughout the whole trip,becos she was too scare,and janelle was sticking to her,puting a lot of burden on my arms,cos siew zhen was grabbing me wif all her strength.and my ears were nearly deaf becos of her constant screaming.

Broy i would never forget the super striking shirt that you're wearing tat day!!! SO AA!!ITS FREAKING LIME GREEN.It is so difficult not to notice you from the crowds.To think i was for a moment worried that u be lost in the theme park,once you start running over,every1 was staring at your lime green shirt!!LOLS.SUPER FUNNY.YOU WERE THE MAIN ATTENTION IN THE THEME PARK.HAHA SUPER AA BOY!! thanks for the spongebob mirror!!! thats super super SWEET!! and SUPER knows me well!!HOW convinient!!

At the super childish boat ride at the pool was very awkward,cos every1 playing there were kids,broy and the rest were the only grown ups,ok except janelle who can easily blend in with the rest of the kids.I dint go for that,to save myself from being all wet,i was wearing my fave pink shirt,so ITS A NO! LOLS siew zhen was super sexy after the ride,her pink shirt was so tranparent when its wet.LOLS.their play time were extremely short, guess due to siew zhen,LOLS!!!THE FUNNY THING WAS,once broy got on the boat,every1 aim their water guns at him!! LOLS the girl at the pool, were so excited to shoot him!!! maybe becos he was too striking wif the green shirt!! LOLS!!!

while walking to the last spin ride,i head ppl saying:"eh today got rain meh,how come they wet de." LOLSSSSSSSSSSSSS! LUCKILY i did not join them! At the spin ride in the space ship,becos of the hot sun,and the constant speed of the ride,broy and folks were spin dry after it! LOLS!!!
SO FUNNY CAN!!!

At the BBQ,chun hao were main teasing target,becos he was wearing a striking pink shirt and a white shorts!!!!!!every1 was commenting how gay he looked that nite,and after the shame session,chun hao swear he wld never wear pink,so we shall see.

Yesterday,the 2nd day at chalet,me n broy and vera went round explore,and found K box was just open at downtown E HUB,DAMN COOL!! special opening offer,each person 10 bucks,for 3hrs!!so we went for it,and sing a hell lot of songs,cos only 3 of us. We made a joke out of alot of britney songs,and some other chessy songs! LOLS THE 12 DAYS OF CHIRSTMAS!!! AND 5 GOLDEN RINGGGGGS!! DAMN FUNNY LA..STUPID BROY!!U SOUNDED LIKE YA FROM OPERA!

okay after 3days 2 nites of non-stop programmes. every1 was dead asleep,i dint sleep for 2 days!!dear leslie,please forgive me for the true and dare game we had,for that super embarassing question i targeted at u!! im sorry,well, now its fair,cos chun hao and yan mei targeted me too!! scerets all spilled, we're fair! AND THAT FREAKING YUCKY solution that chun hao made me drink for punishment was SUPER GROSS!

chun chun u wld get it from me..u ASS HOLE!! FOR THE QUESTION U ASKED TOO..LOLS im just kidding.

just another day

2008-05-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

Here comes summer,the hot hot season,got a hair cut for sparing myself under the hot sun. Dyed my hair with the down to earth darker brown. Woah,it sucks, it suddenly bought me down to earth,having blonde hair sure makes people feeling high,LOL. bullshit? But to me thats the truth,blonde hair makes me more active and happy,lighter feelings. I don't get why,but it just make sense to me.Its no wonder,blondes are called dumb blondes,they are always happy,vain and all.They're not dumb, just that they know more fashsion tips than practical living knowledge.
I dont mind being called dumb,if i get to keep my blonde hair..oh i missed them..my sunshine golden hair..

To make myself feeling abit more better,i did 2 pathetic strips of blonde hair extention at my fringe.Pathetic,but still striking considering my whole head is brownish,makes them amazingly outstanding.ARRR my star dust,gone,for so long.

Folks, you know something really stupid, i realised, doing the jellyfish dancing can burn alot of fats,im meaty and all,so i decided to do some workout,trying to be silly,i did the jelly fish thingy,woah,and i sweat hell lot.Its stupid,but very self entertaining.LOL,things i do when im bored.

Next month,im going back to music garage,i heard, we've got a new lady teacher,she's hot,and the best thing is she's bi-sexual.So i purposely planned on going on lesson on the days she's teaching.Cool, i just wanna check out if the rumours were true.Most of all i heard she got a great voice,cool,i love to hear live act good singing,so why not.

Days gone by so fast,and i miss lot of happenings at UHM.Wondering what's been going on lately,and i misses your bitchy comments,Broy!!I missed yan mei AND OF COS SIEW SIEW!!!
Please do not laugh at my new look ppl,at the chalet,im there to have fun,not to be you guy's clown,so spare the laughters,have mercy..
SO i'll be seeing U broy!!lets go cycle till our butts got cramps and our legs muscles go in agony pain.

complains

2008-03-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

i got 3 complains so far at work...im getting the warning too..SO sick of it..vivo is just not my place. i used to get compliments back at hougang or tiong baru..clean record for a year, ruined in vivo.

Complains,complains, mum complained i gave her too little of $$, 900 not enuff, she expect 1000 the next month. that means i just work harder and save more $$ next month. i hate to be a cheap person,but cant help..i cant spend.i cant afford to.

Im so sick of everything, at least the weather's getting cold, its a good season to sleep. Recently my new hobby is sleeping..just sleeping my life away with my music turning loud like a lullaby,putting me into deep sleep. Caused im just so tired..i keep feeling im tired every now and then, i sleep on train,sleep on bus.

im physically tired and mentally exhausted..all this chasing and running in life gets me all worn out..Sleeping is a good way to destress seriously. lolx.. but too much gives me headaches and makes me restless too..

LOLX i keep having wet dreams bout this female fren of mine..sinful..i know..weird u might think. but to me its normal. im like a animal, i have a period which is like mating season, where i keep seeing women in a very graphical way. LOLX but to all my female frens..im sorry if i did or had flirt with you in this period.
im juz so excited when i see girls during this period..
don't worry ****, u noe who. i would not dream of you again...dots and stop making me excited by talking dirty....
i want to get hold of myself and control the urge..and you are not helping...--_---"
oh well...im better already..i see nothing when i sleep le..just sleeping...no more dreams.. weird though..cos i dream alot of times..normal dreams and stupid dreams where i see stupid looking monsters..or big piece of weird object chasing me..and flying berd bird man which is my worse nitemare..

forgot

2008-02-23T00:19:00.000-08:00

The Forgotten

Aww, she's pretty
Aww,he's charming
Once they were special
pretty faces stucked in your head
their names were mentioned
in all the conversations
here comes Mr macho,
Someone hot,someone their not
they'll soon be forgotten

OH thats funny!

what a funny guy,

after the laughters,

would you ask of his name

do you care whats on his mind

you find their jokes had rotten

they'll soon be forgotten

The bulb has burnt,
whats the use of keeping,
the clown is lame
his career is damned
you never looked back
to what has gotten in the trash
they'll soon be forgotten

Singing their best numbers
took you 5hrs to listen
took them 5years to step on stage
once they made a mistake
you took the chance to step on them,
Cds covered with dust
weeping,waiting for a second chance
forgot their existence
they are forgotten

they hid their sorrows
entertain you,
being your amusement
remember the moments
they touched your heart
they put a smile on ya face
you put a frown on theirs
when you start critcize
degrading is not upgrading neither
whats the point of hurting
they would soon be forgotten anyway

forgot how they shine,
forgot how they got you caring
forgot what they've done
forgot the effort they made
hey they looked familiar
oh,u forgotten their names
they are the forgotten.

bleed bleeds bleeding

2008-02-20T19:29:00.000-08:00

Too Late

The cut is deep,
Your face is pale,
Your hands are cold,
ruby red blood is rushing out,
Agony is written all on your face,

life is draining out of you,
slowly, painfully,peacefully,
there's nothing i can do,
to watch you with your eyes wide open,
who told you, death was easy?
i can see the fear in your eyes,
You don't wanna die
but it's just too late

tell me,what were you thinking
what did you see,
did your life just flash back?
ever thought of me 1st?
Why didn't you waited for me
you leave me with your blood on me,
the smell of you lingers here,

why did you had to go,
Don't you dare leave me now,
i kissed you,i kissed your wound,
as if i could take away your pain,
i tasted your blood on my lips,
the bleeding never stop

Nothing would matters now,
my heart stop beating,
when you stopped breathing,
wait for me,
take my love with you
i'll hold your hand
i'll never let go
i'll never allow you to leave me
i hate you,but i need you
i want you,
i love you

2008-01-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

MIND YOUR OWN FU*KING BUSINESS!!! OLD ASSES!!! IF U NOE TAT BETTER DN ASK ME!! U FU*KING OLD SHIT!!!!! WHAT WRONG UP THERE WITH YOUR RUSTY BRAIN!!

IM totally disgusted by senior citizens!! How many years have u lived already, would u old hags quit being so nasty and busybody!! I HATE AUNTIES AND UNCLES!!!!!OPEN UP YOUR DECOMPOSED BRAIN!!! OR IS IT ROTTEN ALREADY!!

Recently lots of such ppl irrtated me alot, 1 at at work yesterday, too bad im sales person, i cant talk back to my cust. So i went inside to punch some shoe boxes.. YEA !! ALL MY ANGER!!
broy where is "press me" i need 1 seriously!!! IM GOING INSANE SOOON!!

As i recalled last week at the park was so peaceful, hope it could last, then i dont have to face anymore annoying ppl!!
nice play ground, u dont have to be a kid, to hang out in a play ground.
Its so fun in the nite, u can have it all to yourself, who cares who's staring, having fun is most important, for the moment, forget bout all the fools in the world , let them say, let them scold, just becos u dun act like them, doesnt mean u r any cheaper or less intelligent!!!

so shut yr shit mouth up man!!! ASS HOLES!!!

SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! SHUT YOUR FU*KING MOUTH UP!!!!!!!
WOOOOO!!! i just realise blogging is cool way to unleashed your CRAMPED up ANGER!!

2008

2008-01-01T22:35:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! EVERY1!!
I spend my last nite of O7 wif my 2 4ever buddies!! WEIJIE AND EILEEN!! lols..
jeez..eventually tat morning i wasted our time to go hougang mall..
thinking tat geraldine would appear..SIANZ i saw adriano, teresa and others superstar..but not her!!! sianz..she dint attend the s pop thingy..
And so i wasted the whole noon for it..but at nite was so relaxing

we went to esplanade for the count down, 3 of us juz sitting around, enjoying the night breeze, listening to some very emo songs..
thinking back what we've done this year, time don't wait for any1. Many disappointment, disagreements, just too many things to mentioned. But its ok, over all the sad situtation, im fine, and happy wif my frens, i felt so lucky, years had gone, things had change around us, yet we are all here spending our christmas and count down still.

Our friendship still remains, from what we been thru, our bonds only get stronger. Ppl that chose to left us, hope you're doing fine, and happy with your new friends.
We each grew up to be a better person, and im glad, we are not missing in each other's growing process. Its so touching!! awww..

By 10.30, the crowds were horrible, i felt like leaving, cos my face is feeling discomfort due to my sensitive skin, and the sweat only make it worse.
half way, i asked them both to acc me to tiong baru instead, cos the i hated the crowds.
Eileen was kinda sad, but she agreed.
To see her disappointed face, i couldn't bare, so we turned back, lols, it was even better, we found ourself a place to sit on the wide green field near city hall mrt.
it was a clear view to see the fire works. LOLS...n clear view to see a irritating fat boy wif his ass in nude. There was tis boy, running around infront us, and he pee somewhere nt far from us. Like omg!! and what hell, he even poke a guy wif his flag pole while that guy was trying to fix his camera stand. how ANNOYING!!

so anyway, we were so excited as the count down goes 5 4 3 2 1!! AND THE FIRE WORKS!! It was amazing!! we group hug each other!! is was so warm...amazing feeling..

after so much of walking and squeezing around in the crowds, we were super hungry!!
we went tot tiong baru 24hr mac to have out 1st meal in 2008 lolx!!
And GUYS the following years we would be together no matter what, this is a pledge to u all, that i keep near to my heart!! i love u 2!! eileen and weijie!!

My offs

2007-12-23T06:25:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time, enjoying my offs peacefully, all my efforts made to take this leave. YEA my christmas holiday, so bye bye work, and HELLO MY 4DAYS HOLIDAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!! Atuually was 5, but, dear broy was sick, i covered for him, Broy its ok, you're welcome, but, take good care of yr body please. Why are you always sick, always gt fever, DRINK MORE FRUIT JUICE please!

This few days were cool, went out wif my frens, from orchard to marina, lolx was exhuasted, but rested enough at bugis, chating at the Mac Cafe. Today, Mr Weijie came over my hse, we went to the park, bringing my dogs for a long walk. There were black clouds,luckily, it did'nt rain, or we might catch a cold too. It was a windy day, just right for relaxation, so we decided to chill at home.

Lolx, poor weijie, he asked if there were drinks, the only thing i could offer was cold gassy shandy. Haha, hope he's nt sick of that beer taste soft drink. Woah, today we ate alot of junk food, while watching Mtv on tv, LOL, i hope we don't get diabetes. Since i was checking my mails, cant entertain him, so i just pushed him lots of sweet stuff, oreos, honey stars, waffles. Till he was too sick of sweet stuff, lols.

Tonight was very breezy, its nice to have wind blowing to your face, peaceful windy nite. Its nice to just slowly walk down the street, have nothing else on my mind, just plain playing around wif my best buddy.Finished the day by walking with him to the mrt, cant wait for christmas, i know we would have a fun nite.

All our troubles would be miles away, and we'll have ourself a merry little christmas, never ending friendship!! Merry christmas everyone!!

2007-12-21T08:18:00.000-08:00

I finally found this super romantic old track, the melody has been stuck in my head, ever since i heard it frm radio. If you wanna have the sweet moment with the 1, this is good!! If u need some relaxtion, and some sleep, try listening to it, while u lie on your bed, close yr eyes, just feel with the lyrics.

The One You Love -- Eagles

I know you need a friend

Someone you can talk to

Who will understand what you’re going through

When it comes to love

There’s no easy answer

Only you can say what you’re gonna do

I heard you on the phone

You took his number

Said you were alone and you’d call him soon

Isn’t he the guy

The guy who left you crying

Isn’t he the one who made you blue

When you remember those nights in his arms

You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you

Or are you going back to the one you love

Someone’s gonna cry when they know they lost you

Someone’s gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over

There’s no easy way to see this through

All the broken dreams

All the disappointments

Oh girl what you gonna do

Your heart keeps saying its just not fair

But still you gotta make up your mind

2007-12-15T08:53:00.000-08:00

Frozen--Madonna
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to beYou're frozen when your heart's not open
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're frozen when your heart's not open
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You are the key
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I'd suffer the same
If I lose you, my heart would be broken
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside you die
You're frozen when your heart's not open
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You are the key
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen when your heart's not open
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You are the key
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You are the key
If I could melt your heart

A very deep song tat captures my soul ever since i 1st heard, so much pain, so much depression,
no wonder they said this song can lead u to death. A very beautiful song that gt me addicted like drugs. Every1 should watch the mv on youtube, its so seductive. Its like singings from siren, sirens are mermaid creatures in myths, they use their singing to mislead sailors to hell.
Guess thats why madonna said she wanted to be a siren.

2007-12-13T07:37:00.000-08:00

A big thank u to all my frens who tagged!!! THANKS PPL esp broy and weijie!!! i felt so spported!! Anyway, today i wanna talk bout my fave idol, GERALDINE from 1st campus superstar!!

She is like sooooo coool, never ever will any other new campus superstars can ever surpass her.
Haha, she inspired greatly on my thinking, and even my fashion sense, yea and my hair style too!! She is my target, someday i'll be as fit as her, as talented too!! I LOVE U GERALDINE!! And im so proud to be yr fan!! Talk about fate man!! i saw her in real life at jurong point twice!!! She is juz as great outside the screen!! And for those annoying ppl tat said she's fat in real life, like what the hell, you ppl are just jealous that she is soooo popular and she got a hot girlfren!!! Trust me ppl, she is tanned, fit, very charming, CUTE, last but not least, she is sooooo Cool!!!!

Unlike all the other superstar, she is so humble, so natural, not a a bit of acting. No one can deny tat she's got a very special voice, and omg her singing is so sexy, you can find her identity in her singing, cos its so her, 1 and only her, u would never find any1 tat sings like her.

Just take a good look at s'pore pop culture man, what kinda singers we already have, ok Sun yan zi, JJ, tanya chua, ah du & ect, not like im saying their not good, but not 1 of them is same like geraldine, yea they are popular and all and going on the right track, but they all represent the straight ppl. They don't really represent all the teenagers in s'pore, its like, when a lesbian falls out or falls in love, they wanna listen to a love track tat can most relate to their own. But all they could only find are, straight normal ppl love songs everywhere, love songs that only talk about straight people r/s.

If you're a lesbian, in a marjorities are straight society, you faced difficulties coming out the closet, even simply getting entertainment on tv or radio is hard, considering, gay shows or even gay icons are banned frm the media. i believed every lesbians cried out loud, wanting so much to see females kissing each other on TV, but that'll never happen iN our TV, thats why "The L word" has been such a great hit, even in asia!!!!

No matter how much effort put to banned tis show, girls everywhere still gets to see it on internet, even on YOUTUBE. Actually, its not hard to see butch somewhere on the streets of s'pore, its a very common sight to see girls holding hands, being touchy, bungs, femme, you could find them easily in orchard, bugis or anywhere.

Lesbianism is a part of our teenage culture, so we need a idol that could make us feel good, a idol to make us feel that, we, are represented in our pop culture.
If geraldine were given more chances in her singing career, it would mean that the society has accepted us, a big step for we lesbians in s'pore!! I pray hard for the success of geraldine, and of cos my own dreams, someday i would contribute for my fellow girls!!

2007-12-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

ok!!! 1 more day to my fine earned off day, tot of going somewhere wif mum to do some christmas shopping!! and who says im only going out wif pretty babes, im a good kid some of the time, hehe (^-^).

Was watching transformers vcd tis morning, was so amazed by my hero ultimas Prime!! LIKE SO COOL!! i got so engrossed tat i forgotten bt work at 1pm in vivo, shit not again, im so late!!
2 cute girls went in to try that pink heels which got tat small ribbon, its got laces to tie round the legs. I figured out she wld have problems fixing those laces, i stood out, and asked with confident look in my eyes, hehe act shuai for the moment, "miss may i?"

she nodded, without hesitation, i was on my kneels, helping her to tie. DOTS!! in the end, it turned out looking funny, she looked at me wif doubt in her eyes. sianz, so much for showing off. But anyway, xin yi noticed tat fren of tat girl, kept staring at me while i was at it, hah she said that gal looked pretty mesmerised by me, haha wasnt too bad. Still got some charms for girls, but, but, but, she was too small for me. geez talk about fate man, after bt 3-4 hrs, i saw tat gal again, i caught her staring tis time, i smiled, she was so shy, her fren pulled her away to another shop, so bye my young admirer.

Hah i felt lucky today, my 1 yr working, i haven seen any1's visa master card tats got 3 last number tats really goes by number sequence. I just met 1 with 789. LOL ok la 3 nums nt very rare, but tis is the only 1 i met tis yr. Tat customer laugh out loud when i told her.

For some unknown reasons, i kept hearng hokkien songs in m mind, over and over, esp those cheesy love songs, i nearly sang wif it. lucky i dint, ppl of my age dun sing tat ok, omg, i nearly lost my reputation. I called Plaza sing to check shoe stock, it was vienne, that crazy girl who picked up, LOL, she asked who are you, i tried to act pervert, by saying, " I noe u r very horny" in a low voice"
she was screaming laughters to my ears, immediately knew who i am. hah later on to my surprise, she passed the phone to my dearest QIU HUI!!! i missed her sooooooo much!!! Was so glad to hear her voice, she is well finally.

Ever since she got that high fever, i felt like i havent seen her for months. i tot she forgotten me, sob sob...lucky she did not,if not i'll be heart broken!!! THANK GOD that she's healthy again!!
haha BROY I MISS U SO MUCH TOO!! your ben ben sister 4got to tell u how much i misses u!!
Come on dude when r u free???? ALWAYS SO BZ!!
My life is so boring without u!! i missed the times we gave bitchy comment bt annoying ppl!!
u juz gotta come back, bitchying never felt the same without u..
ALO VERA!! U MISS ME ME AR...tao yan make me shy ;P
I MISS U TOO!!

see ya good nite to all the lonely souls out there!!

newbie in blogging

2007-12-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

Here's a great thanks to my best buddy weijie!! thanks for everything, great help dude, you're the best. The fact is i don't really know what should i start of with, since im a" newbie", hah i feel young again, actually can feel bone aching in this cold weather.

So..erm oh well, work's been kinda frustrating today, so long for my off day which was yesterday. Speaking of work, my in-charge sure started the ball rolling by throwing it hard in my face. Talk bout stress, woah!! Everyone's wearing that new given name tags, its small and pathetic!!! Like arh!! gotta wear it after i got some nastly nagging on my constantly late for work! Alrite my bad i know, but im only late for bt 5-7 mins the lastest.

Good thing is they dint got my name on my tag, HAHA!! Mine was just trainee, so cool, it makes it not so easy for irritating customers to backstab me with a stupid complain letter, esp those irritating got nothing else better to do OL, office sickening ladies!! which i call aka the " OLD LADIES", they most certainly belongs to the old folks home.

Oh yea not to mentioned, we've been complained of having the lousiest service in the whole of the mall, its not like im proud of it cos tat'll be pretty bimbotic, so yea im guilty, dun like the feeling at as being called as impolite sales person whos gt no initiative.This calls for a big change, u want manners , u wan greetings, okay, i'll shout it with my fellow mates the moment u ppl step in, be frighten, but im juz being polite, what can u complain bt..

Felt so emo today bt my ever so failure love issues, shared wif my in-charge too, after work, long chat, im rdy for more, love im nt fear of u!! LOLx came home to see my love sick fren online, she's new in the game, taught her thru some exp i've been thru, she most possibly wld need it ...it'll work, trust me eileen, it will, no 1 knows a flirt like i do, im one myself, the past..
so tis is it, hey broy if ya reading,leave me comments ok.. i sure missed your bitchyness man!!
so long ppl, tats all,good bye