its a sunday that rains all day,so cold i had to wear 2 layers,dont know whats wrong with the weather,but singapore is just raining everyday,and super cold like air con is on everyday.It made me felt to lazy,so i spend my day sleeping,watching tv.LOL better than going out and got wet by the rain.Its a wet wet chinese new year soon.

TV was cool,i've watched alot of american idol,and was crackin up like crazy by the scene where randy slaps a contestant by accident,cos he was running across to slap the crowds hi-fives,but 1 of that high-5 hits her face instead of her palm.Damn funny,cos randy dint admit it at first,then they show the play back video in slow motion where puts him in no denial.SO funny,Lucky she could sing,if not its a slap again.

I've watched ellen on you tube too,cant have enough,cos she is just soo cute with her wife,im soo freakin jealous,but if ellen waited till she's 50 for the law to allows her marriage with portia,why couldnt i do the same for u baby,that inspires me alot,i dont care how long it gonna take for us to be official,im gonna do someday,im gonna marry you!!They are so lucky to have each other,and live together,sleep beside each other everyday,i wish me and you could be like this,and we can go thru thick and thin together,never ever get seperated ever,and sleeps beside each other every night,and kiss each other every morning,thats my ultimate dream!!! I WANT U SO BAD.

Perharps someday not long in future,singapore would allow gay marriage,and we'll be able to have great wedding,a house under our names.A sweeeeet happy ever ending together,well nothing is impossible,by the growing numbers of gay ppl populations in s'pore,i believe our dream would not be too far away,and i want you to be the prettiest bride ever!!AND post out wedding photos on my blog and FB,Let the whole world envy how lucky i am to be your lesbian groom!!I cant wait to show the world how gorgeous and perfect is my super hot WIFEY!!!!hahahaha for now your already my wifey in my heart!!Someday im gonna tell the whole world,that your mine!!!

I love today,everything feels so great bout today,i felt refresh,and ready to work,i missed work actually,cos all the new frens i made,cos i finally opened up my heart,i see the world differently today.Im wearing my fave pink check shirt,and my fave perfume,it makes me feel so confident,and just so happy,its nice to feel this way,im finally myself again,i wondered why i was wasting time being so depress,and kept complaining bout life,im sorry my dear,i should've been positive and not letting you get frustrated by my complains.

Finally its safe to say,im ready to wait for you,i dont mind the 3 months anymore,i wanna give you the freedom you deserve,dont wanna give you headache anymore,show you how strong i am,and how happy i am,im gonna live my life again.If we're meant to be,i should let you do whatever you wanna do,and when you come back to me,i'll know you're the one for me,i shouldn't hold u back,shouldnt pressured you,should have just waited and be happy for you.

Actually its kinda great that you're not here for 3 months for CNY season,my bro still not able to give more money to mum,and the burdens came straight to me,esp for festive season,everything counts on me.Lucky im able to save alot of money,cos i seldom go out now,was able to help mum lighten up the burden,now i understand why god seperated us for 3 months,see thats how it works.Cause it would kills me to not able to have enough to bring you on nice dates,cause you only deserves the best,you'll always gets the best of me,i just love so much to pamper you,if my money is limited,its just kills me inside to let you accomodate to my proverty,cause i have the responsibilty to make you happy and to provide for you,i love u so much my princess.

Today at work,i was given a very complicated task,i had to do the settlements and checking of sales figures and then i thought i knew how to do it from my past job,i thought it was gonna be easy,but its not at all,its not just 1 counter,but so many to check and count.Big numbers,and lots of money to handle,i was so stressed out,but lucky everything came thru in the end.As i went for toilet break,i came back to the staff room,the lights was off,cause there's no one else,then when i was putting on my bumbag,my fren came in,she stared at me,and asked,why do i looked so emo in the dark,and then she suddenly just tells me that she thinks im really cute and actually very pretty,i was turn off by that,cause i really wish ppl thinks im manly and see me a man figure,cute and pretty just not what i wanna hear.

awww baby,wish you were here to tell me how manly i am,and you would always say the right things to turn me on,and melts me,and make me feel so good about myself,i miss you so much,missed all the rights things you always says to make me feel so good.i miss you cute voice,to hear you praise me with your sweet voice satisfies me like no other.I hope to see you soon online baby,i love you.

Today,i came to work earlier,cos i agreed to,and i wanted to spend more time on work,to distract from my sorrows,and turn them into movtivations of making more money,so i have a motive in life,all that crying and saddness is a waste of time,as life still goes on,and i gotta be strong to pull thru the longest wait for you in my life,i figured out,i've waited 19 years to have met you at work,what is 3 months right,i can certainly conquer that.I kept imgaining how im gonna squeeze you and kiss you all over when your finally back and standing infront of me,it would be so sweet,and everything would feel so worth it,and i would forget all my pain just like that.

Its so fast today,cos i was given task to do,and i was working with all ny fun frens,never a moment of silent,i kept laughing and enjoyed alot working,dint paid attention to how the time had gone by.I went home straight away open my fb to check if i've mail from you,i was so happy that you replied,but depressed at same time its so short,cos it made me feels that you got nothing to say to me,and u dont really miss me that much.

There i was writing long replies to you,questioning why your answers wasnt what i expected,then you suddenly came online on fb and said hi to me. I was so happy,i couldnt describe just by words,im just so happy to be able to talk to you,so glad,that no matter how we're oceans apart,still able to connect at this moment and share our love from internet,now i love technologhy so much.Its so comforting to know you care,and even commented my blog,and how you thought bout my posted vids on FB is super important,cos thats all my effort to show how much i misses you each day,and really hoped the effect would be touching,and makes you wanna cry,cos every 1 of them,had a story to tell,had my tears with it,and show you how i misses you each day,what i wanted to say to you so bad,im so satisfied that you've been touched by my effort,i've never did anything like this for any1 before,baby your the first,i want you to know how special you are and how much i love you.

Whether you believe it or not,i just wanna say,i've been super well behaved and faithful to you all this long,dont ever have doubts on my true love ok baby,dont say thing like u hate me pls.it hurts so bad,cos after how i faithful i was for you,and you still couldnt see and dont believe me,that i could resist temptations and stay faithful to you,time would show i am true,wait till you come back,i'll prove it,i love you so much my dear princess.

today is just another day at work,nothing special happened,only me staring at my phone,wondering why it hasnt rang,why i've got no msg from you.Its depressing to have a phone now,since we couldnt msg,and couldnt call each other,i wonder whats the use of havin phone anyway.

The more i think of you,the time gets even more slower,so i forced myself to distract,not to think of it at all,or i'll be ending up wondering how long more is the wait gonna be.I dont care bout my phone anymore,no one would call me, and no one would msg me anyway,its always empty and quiet since you been gone,i have no more thrills in checking my phone anymore.I really dont know what i live for,good thing that my work place has alot of fun and loving ppl,showering me with their love and concern everyday,im really lucky to be working with such a bunch of fun people,i was never lonely anymore.I can always count on them for company.

Today,i found out i have alot in common with some of guy frens at work,we can always talk about everything,and they'll always agree with me,cos we see the world the same way,i never know what its like to be surrounded by ppl who thinks alike with me till i met them,it really made me wanna say,finally i find ppl same as me,i can be surrounded by ppl like me,im not alone against the straight world anymore.At my previous work place,i always gets discriminated,unsupported,as im surrounded by old,decreet ppl who refuse to accept the abnormals like us.I had to shaped myself,pretending,and made myself more normal to blend in with their conversations,and to be liked by them,now im here,i dont have to anymore,we can talk about topics i like,all day long,not have to worry bout whether words i used was it offensive at all.Cos they wont judge me,they dont care,they are young like me,and they understand why i do the things i did,just instantly,they dont try to stopped me,or tell me to stop or anything,they simply gave me blessing,and tell me to be strong,its so easy to confide in them.

Baby i really wished you worked here with me,and you would see how my work place is a teenage heaven,i love it so much,its the kinda world that dont judge you,and everyone is your frens,there are no strangers here,and every1 would help every1,everybody is so nice.

Happy birthday my sweet baby,today i missed you the most,how i wish i could celebrate today with you,i miss you so much my baby.Its so sad that we're seperated like that,why our fate so sad?I prayed hard each day for you to come back,you don't know how badly i misses you.

My sugar baby,no one can ever replace you in my heart,so dont you worry ok,only you have the key to my heart,you must trust me,dont ever have doubts on me baby.I love you soo freaking much baby.We came so far together now,i ain't gonna give up easily,i have faith no matter what happens,we would never be seperated.I have strong faith our love would be forever,even they gonna lock you there,there's no way in stopping me to go there and find you back,trust me baby,i would never let anyone tear up apart,we are meant to be forever.

My heart is so painful today,i misses you even more especially today.baby would teach me how to hang on till your back?I miss you too much,i love you i love you i love you,from the bottom of heart i only loves you.I love you more than my life,more than pride,i love you more than myself,i love you more than money or anything nice,i would do anything for you.Really wishes time would fly faster,then we could be together sooner.Baby i know you're suffering from the sickness,must take good care ok,it'll breaks my heart,if you dont faster recover. i love you so much.

Today,im feeling great,im wearing my new shirt to work,for my morning shift.I felt good about myself,and my boss commented that i looked very manly today,im so happy.Wow,was i given the toughest job today or what,i had to fix the the metal racks over and over again,it was so tiring.I was finally done with,i had to carry all the super heavy wooden planks back the store room,and all that metals,hurt my hands so bad,never did it all by myself,i felt extra manly today,and pretty satisfied im abled to pulled off a tough technical job.

I was so shagged after all that,checked the schedule realised,im morning shift again tml,was so sad bout it,cos i felt lazy, wanna sleep more.As i carried on with my task later that day,i was assigned to do cleaning duties at staff room,and then my friend asked me whether i could change my saturday off with her for monday.Its a miracle,i wanted a monday off,wahahaha,mircales does happen,God is really nice to me,that put a big grin on my face today.

After work,i was happy that my gay fren was same shift as me,and we can knock off together.Usually i just mind my own business,and go home by myself,today i tot of making a change,so i asked if he was doing anything after work.I was so glad he said he was free,and we could hang out awhile,he wanna look for new boots too,and i just wanna hang out.And so we did,although we dint buy anything,was just walking around in town,i was feeling so happy,so we got know to lot more about each other,at work we dint really had chance to interact,and i've been really anti-social lately.

Good that i asked,and let ppl in my world,im so happy that i had company today,its been so long,i haven felt like this ever,i enjoyed so much talking to him,cos we had so much in common,we're both queers in this world that doesnt allow our exsistance,but we're struggling to find love in this world and stand up for ourselves.Its really nice to know,in this world,we're not alone,there's alot more like us,and there's nothing wrong to be us,if we're meant to be banished and put in hell,then why god love us so much that he created us in the 1st place,i truly believes,god love us more,thats why he put out lot more obstacles in life for us,to make us cherished our loved ones more,since we're put to so many test,we're able to see what others dont,we're able to care more for love,and for frens,we basically treasured whatever relationships we have with people,because its rare,we been thru alot,to respect others even more.

Lastly baby,im happy to tell you,im doing fine now,dont worry about me,im still waiting for you to come back,meanwhile im doing a great job taking care of myself,im not your burden,im strong,faithful and here always waiting for you,for the day we rejoice and reunite again,oh i miss you,my sweet girl.

hey baby its finally the 13th days since you been gone.Oh my god,its my off again,thank god weijie is hanging out with me today.Help me put my mind of you,baby i havent had fun for too long.THANK GOD SO MUCH,that weijie is free today,i pratically have no others to entertain me ever again,beside my 2 best buddies,i have no1 to hang out with already.

Im kinda glad today,cos i got the prepaid to call you,never gonna worry bout not enough balance to call you,and really hope to talk to you on msn!! THANK god your getting internet soon!!

Accompanying him to ochard really reminds me of you,how i wished i was on a date with you.We walked to orchard central after that,reminded me of that day,how we quarrelled here,you went missing,and i was cryin,cos i can't lose you,then realised you went to the toilet and how we ended up cuddling and kissing,it was so sweet.

Then we walked to PS to have dinner,at cathay,the place where you and i watched our 1st movie G-Force,i can never forget,soo precious,when i had you in my arms,and now im with someone else not you,kinda makes me sad.We then watched a movie called exorcismus, a horror show bout a girl being possessed by demon,it was really scary,how i wished you were siting next to me,and we would cuddle and hug each other so tighly,i would've let you lean over in my arms,i would love to warm your freezing hands with my warm palms.

Baby dont hate me for writing so short post for the most recent ones,Cos im sick of talkin bout my life,MY life sucks without you!THERES REALLY NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT..i miss you baby,only spending time with you can inspire me to write more.i cant wait to hear your voice and talk to u on msn.

I love you,i Love you soo much,if you're reading finally,i couldnt be sick of telling you how much i misses you!!!I NEED YOU ,I REALLY DO,I REALLY REALLY LIKES YOU ALOT.I MISS YOU ALOT LIKE CRAZY!SAVE ME FROM MY INSANITY.

what is wrong with me?i couldn't eat,couldn't sleep,couldnt have fun.I misses you too much baby.I wanna get a hold of life,i really do,but i cant even socialise anymore.im a mute,couldnt talk,couldnt respond just like a dead fish,i hate myself so much.

I really have no idea of you leaving me would have such a big effect,its like im dead.TOTALLY NOT MYSELF. I really really wish someone could save me. Would god give me some help.Help me move on from this boredom.

Hey baby,i wish i could tell you life has been better and that im happy,but i tried all means,i couldnt,you just stays in head and preventing me to enjoy any part of my life.Im missing you too much,everyday is too painful,i don't know how long more i could take it,everyday im acting,pretending to be happy,tell people im fine,tells people im okay,when im not,at all.

Im not myself anymore,i couldn't be happy at all,i wanna be happy so bad,i really tried opening up my heart to friends,but in no time,i would close them back again,cos im constantly reminded that my baby is not here,i shouldn't be happy,its wrong to even have fun,i should be suffering isn't it,i should live in grief everyday,isn't that right.

Sometimes i wonder were feeling the exact same thing im feeling now,or am the only one thats gone mad.I used to be cheerful,i used to laugh alot,now i dont,just a glum face all day long.i look a far,as if my heart is not there,i look a far,as if waiting for something to happen,waitng for the only girl in my life to come back so i can feel again.

Becuase when you left,you didn't just bought yourself and stuff,you took away the key to my heart too,im unable to feel again since you been gone,you only leave me with pain,tears,agony,sorrows and everlasting grief in my heart.You took away all the reason for me to happy ever again.

Today i had my instant noodles,while sitting across was my colleages,they were chatting happily,i wanted to join in,but i couldn't whenever i want to speak,i just swallowed backed in,i just avoid eye contact,looked down at my food hope the world would just ignores me.I hope you see the changes thats happening to me,and try what ever you can to come back to me soon.

Today i just found out i've got bonus from work,i went to check with my fren.Eventhough i have extra money to spend,it did'nt made me happy at all,cos usually i would be thrilled by the idea that i've got money to buy you great gifts,nice dinner,and a trip to fun places.But today,its plain to see that i have no use of money,i decided to give most to my mum,and the rest i want to buy some clothes.

I really thought i would enjoy spending it on clothes,but i didn't,i just sat there on my chair,wondering why you haven't reply my msg,did you recovered from that fever,same thoughts repeating all over again.I really really hate him alot for taking you away,couldnt he see you're able to adapt life there,you're too weak to withstand the coldness,couldn't he sees the lonliness in your eyes,that says you wanna come back s'pore so bad,why is he ignoring what you want and need,and continue to ruined our life.How long more do we have to stand around let people decide how our love story would go,when is our chance to take hold of our happiness?

My friends noticed my sudden change,were all concerned about me,all tried to crack me up,cheer me up,but i really couldn't be happy as before.Its tiring for me to live my life like this,how else could i live it then,i don't have a choice,my only reason to be happy has been cruely torn away from me,its like my other half of my heart been cut and taken out brutaly,no one would understand my pain,no one knows what i been thru,no one would see how hard it is to smile for me.Such a simple gesture,but takes me so much effort and pain to do so,cos my heart tells me im in pain,my face should show agony,and tears should naturally flow out everyday.

After a tiring day of work,finally i can go home and sleep,recently sleeping has been my only comfort,i could stay away from the world of pain,stay away from the noise,distract myself from the thought that your not there,sometimes i dream bout you,and i would have so much fun in my dream,sometimes i wish i had taken sleeping pills,maybe the dream could be longer,maybe i'll never had to wake up to face the truth that your not really there at all.

Dear princess,where ever you are,just look up the sky and think of me,i looked up at the same blue sky thinking about you too,you might just felt the love,for we're just under the same sky,no matter how far apart we are,our heart would always be together.I bet you looked at the other half of my heart sometimes,and misses me while your precious tears ran down your cheeks.But dont you worry,your dearest Raven loves you so much still,as deep as the deep blue sea,as faithful as i'll wait for you.

If my mind was a piece of paper your could see,it'll be full of writings of your name,written all over,on every edge of it.If my heart was able to talk,you'll be hearing i miss you,over and over again,speaking louder and louder in such a painful tone,that could go right thru your heart,make you wanna cry,just like i how i cried you a river.

I need you,like the air i need to survive,i need you, to keep my heart beating,what is living without you,others think im mad,im crazy,im too silly to not flirt around or change my heart for easier life,they dont understand,you're all that i have,you're all that i needed,you're all that i want.If only they see you the way i do,they would see why i act this way,but they'll never love you the way i do,because im the only one for you,and you're the only one for me,we were born to be together.We should be so happy together,over the obstacles we shall came thru,we would have our love forever.

I wish i could steal you,take you away to a place only belongs to us,so we could cuddle all the time,without the disburbance of the outside world.I used to be a wild casual person that could go on blind dates with girls i dont even know,you changed me completely,i've never been this faithful to anyone before,i've never flirt at all since you been gone,all i ever talk about is you,all i ever talk to people is about how i've waited for you to come back.Telling the whole world how determined am i,waiting for you to come back.I just can't stop thinking,cant stop talking about you,you're my princess,my everything.

its a week and a day since you been gone baby,i had a dream last night,was bout we were going on a date,and i was waiting for the time to go meet you.I fall asleep and found myself overslept,let you waited for hours,and i've got 6missed calls from you.

i quickly called back,you told me you knew i was overslept,and you were so sad,just asked of me to come send you home,cos there's no time already,its 8.30pm.I was feeling so guilty,so sorry,i faster fix my hair wanted to rush out,but i just couldnt fix my hair,like really really bad hair day,i looked at the clock,i was so anxious,that i started crying non-stop.I think hard and realised was a dream,your not in sg,and i just woke up feeling happy,at least i wasnt that jerk that let you waited.But still sad im not gonna meet you soon.

I miss you baby,i really have no mood to do anything at all,just gonna stay home again,but im glad tonight can call you and chat.i wanna hear your sweet voice so badly,i hope your happy to know im still faithful to you,still the same raven that loves you so much,i've never let time change the way i love you.What i felt for you is irreplaceble,what i feel for you is true,it would last forever no matter what happen,even when we're seperated,even if im given free time and surrounded by temptation,i've never once thought of flirting,or cheat on you. I love you too much, and i've never fail to tell the whole world how much i loves you everyday.

Everyone just gave me their support in this wait for you,i feel lonely but am glad that ppl actually loves to me their support,i tot no one would understand,but they do.They encouraged me,and tell to me be strong,and told me after this,our love would be stronger,nothing else can ever tear us apart again,really no one in this world can ever seperate us again,cos we wont ever let that happen,i'll never forget how it feels like to lose you,how it feels like to wait for you,to miss you so much,and your so faraway. My love for you would be more matured,and its gonna last forever baby. PS i love you my precious baby.

ITs been a week already, and i dint see you saying, you would do anything to come back early, why baby why?Why cant you come back,i hate myself for not being rich,rich enough to travel there like when i want to and just kipnapped you back to sg with me.You belong here with me,Why do you let other ppl take control of your life,why did you leave your decision of happiness in other person's hand? why baby why?

Dont you know you only got one life, and might only be your only chance at happiness now with me,why could'nt you just come back for me.THEY HAVE NO RIGHT to take away our happiness,if we're called selfish,then what are they,why imprison you,why seperated us like that.They dont care if your happy,they only want you living for them,being there and sticking around for them,they dont care for you like i do. They dont know you the way i do,they would just make you a slave forever,keep your freedom forever. You know you dont want that,you know cant live forever trying to please everybody,baby but you can make yourself happy, baby you gotta start thinking bout us,why must we waste time sacrificing for others?Do they even care that you dont even wanna be there in the 1st place,who are they to make all your choice,they are not even god himself.

Wake up baby,start thinking for yourself baby,i beg you.STOP what they're doing to torture you,dont let them take away your smile again,stop forcing yourself to be a good girl.We're not gonna be happy like this,break rules baby,do the things you gotta do to take back your freedom.

YES IM ANGRY,i am damn angry today,because i hate them so much for taking you away to that scary place i called hell.SG is place for us baby,its our home,we're born here,grew up here,its our heaven here,just come back baby,im still waiting for you.i love you so much.Forgive me for insulting them,but i just love you too much that makes hate them that much too.

DEAR baby, its the 6th day since you been gone,i dint know i could survive this long,life has been so different without you.Been making myself busy, still going out, and hanging out late so i could not have spare time to let my mind go crazy again.

If you were here with me,we would have spend a wonderful week together, we would be watchin movies, crashing at your place,cuddling,just sticking together,having such fun times together.I truly hates my life now,like i dont know what im living for anymore,im so lost without you.

They say the more you dont think of it, the time would pass faster,but they dint say,everything would just remind you of the sad part when you dont wanna think of it,even when your busy,or even when you're trying to have some fun,it just hits you suddenly,and you'll still be depress about how time is so torturing.

I cant have fun,cant enjoy,cant be smiling for real when im without you, with you is so easy,i dint even had to try,you always have a way to make me smile,you could easily washed away all my worries and filled my heart with so much joy.

My smile is only for you, my laughter only for you,cos you took my heart when you left me,it was never just you that went away,you a part of me,i was never me again.Im seriously numb now,i couldnt be excited anymore,couldnt be thrilled by any sort of good news except from getting your msg. Baby please try your best to come back,for our love, at least try.

I just got a sms from other country, asking me if im rafael, is that from you?i dont even know should i call back or not. And then you sms me its you, and you called me a asshole. soo bad, hey what a nice thing to call me, after i missed you so much.

but im so relief too!!i've been so worried bout you,thinking whats wrong, what had happen, how come i dont hear from you, it was so scary you know?

I can finally breath again, im so so so soooo happy to know you are healthy and okay, thats all i needed to know baby. I know you missed me, i do. i just wondered did you think i was gonna missed you so too.

Now you believe im faithful? After reading my blog, you should be able to tell my life has been so grey and sad, i wasnt happy at all living this single lifestyle. I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU, I HAD A LIFE WHEN I HAD YOU, WHEN I LOST YOU,I'VE EVERYTHING, AND EVERY ABILITY TO SMILE OR ENJOYED ANYMORE.

I hoped you're able to trust me more and have a strong faith in our love when you came back, really see what we been through together, and nothing can ever break us apart, not even time, not even when you're far apart and im free to do things to betray you, im truly faithful and i love you so much, and only getting deeper each day.

Today i watched my 1st movie ever since your gone, with my best buddy wei jie. I chose the corner sits like we always did, cos i couldnt change my habit, and i dont want to.
We went to bugis illuma,everything reminds me of you,im so depressed eventhough wei jie kept cracking jokes to distract me.

We've watch love and the other drugs, its such a touching romantic love movie, was fooled by the poster, tot it was a funny comedy. It was funny, and its so much bout sex,M18 show, but its full of dramatic content too.

About the guy who sleeps and flirt round, finally settling down for a girl he loves, she had parkinston dieases, theres no cure, and eventually she would lost ability to live on her own. She resent having relationship, knowing its unfair to let the guy suffer and she doesnt wants to be a burden. So she kept asking the guy to leave, go away, dont fall in love with her, she dont need anyone.

She so totally reminds me of you, i wanted to cry while watching the whole movie,cos i can relate to that guy, i know why he is so sure he is in love, why he stayed no matter how bad her temper is. He stick around no matter what. Just like me who stayed for you, i knew you needed me too.Its such a great movie, i wished i had watched this with you before you left,i regreted so badly we dint watch this movie together. If we did, we would both be so touched, and i'll be holding your hand through out the whole show, and feel so thankful that we have each other.

Its not the same without,i know you want me have fun while your gone,i just couldnt, baby, i tried, i cant, i cant be happy without you. i miss you soooo fucking much.. i love you.86 more days to go,hope i can pull thru.

Baby, its 1:51 am in the morning, what cha doing over the other side? It should be round 8pm night time on your side of the world. Did you missed me? I cant sleep,i've been looking at the photos of you, i miss you so much, so much that i couldnt sleep, i close my eyes and i'll see you.

its been 4 days, why havent you call yet?Its more than you told me to be wait, how long more baby?I gotta hear your voice, i really really need to know that your okay, why torture my poor heart like that. Why is our fate so sad, why let us be in love and have to tear us apart by fate too, is it our destiny to be tortured like this? We meant to be, why is it so easy for us to meet but so hard for us to be together, how many more obstacles to overcome, how many tears we
have to cry, how many lies do we have to tell, how many times of heartache and seperation to go, till we're finally together?

We belong together, and its so plain to see, no matter how they try to stopped us, we still together, wasnt it enough for us to deserve some happiness.Why so cruel, why must fate joke with us like that,if its our destiny to meet, to be in love, why couldnt just let us be, let us have our happy ending soon.I hate myself for not able to kipnapped and elope together, i wished i had done that long ago, then we wont have to pretend and suffer anymore.

I wanna steal you, i wanna bring you to a place nobody knows us, start a new life together, hold hands in public, hug you whenever i want to, dont give a damn how people would see us, because i dont care.We shouldnt care bout the fools in this world who wanna tear us apart, we live our own life, we deserved to be happy in our own life, no others should make that choice in our life.

No one can snatch away our happiness, because we meant to be, we're a match made in heaven, i was born to the world to find myself to you, you are my perfect half. Our emotions and behaviour, and thoughts, everything so compatible, i could feel what you felt baby, we're insync. No one can love your the way that i do, and nobody can ever take your place baby.

Nothing had changed baby,im still the same me, same love for you, same faitfulness just for you. Please come back to me baby, we spend our worried too much for others, lets be selfish for our love baby, be selfish for me. Do what you can to be back with me again baby, i have faith that we'll meet sooner than 3months. Im waiting for your good news ok.. i cant wait to hug you, cant wait to see your angel smile so badly, its killing. Im still waiting for you baby, please reply soon baby.

oh my god, the 3rd day is the worse,im starting to feel you disappeared in my life,i couldnt get to you in anyway i can. I miss YOU sooooooo much, but there's nothing i could do to get to you. I feel so lost, so lonely, so helpless, because i cant get hold of you.

It hurts to smile when your gone,it even feels wrong to be laughing at all, Baby where are you, come back to me soon,when are you gonna call me, you told me to wait, but how long? Its scary when you dont know how long the wait is,i just wanna know your safe and sound, and happy. I wanna hear your healthy voice, wanna hear your laughter so badly. Im so worried about you, But there's no way to get to you, when you dont come look for me 1st. Im going mad.

If your wondering if im having too much fun without you, im not,everything reminds me of you, there's not a second could i forget about you. Nothing puts my mind off you, you know how painful my heart is feeling everyday. I dont have your number, dont have anyway to contact you, what am i supposed to do now baby?

Can you show me the way to make you stay? Can you tell me you had tried everything to come back early and be with me? Its hard to be patient, I Gotta see you soo badly. I wanna hold you so tighly, wanna hold your hands too.

i want to feel your warmth again, wanna feel your hand touching my face,i'll give my all to have just one night with you.It has been the longest week in my life, i gotta hear from you soon baby. Promise me you'll write a long letter back to me. i love you so much.

hey baby, hows life there? I wonder if its too cold, so afraid you would be freezing there, then you would became a beautiful ice statue, haha just kidding. I miss you soo much, hope that you would be happy to know, today im much stronger, i dint cry at all, im stlong ok! Proud of me?

There's so many things i want to say to you, so many things i wanna hear from you too, and my stupid phone line got suspended today, i thought was my sim card having a problem, went to doby ghaut check, ended up wasted my trip, my mum dint pay enough again. How can she do this to me, made me so worried like a running ant on a hot plate.

I was so worried, i might missed a call from you, im still waiting for your msg, and your call, been waiting for so long, i felt so mad when my phone lost service.I felt like completely losing contact with you, oh my god, my heart was so painful, so worried you might thought i changed my number or what.

thanks to alvin,i had company today, wasnt free enough to anyhow think, and drive myself nuts again. Baby you promised you would call, how long more must i wait, i've staring at my phone all the time, nothing from you :(

Its as if my phone died, and so was my heart, i stopped caring for anything else at all, i couldnt hear anything what people said, i couldnt remember anything that doesnt concerns you.You know i was so worried today that i dint had appetitte, ate 2 mouthful and dumped my rice.

im so sad without you,i lost my smile since you been gone, i lost a part of me too, and my heart had flew to you already. I just couldnt feel, couldnt think, couldnt smile without you. I wanna hear from you soon, am going crazy.. i love you so much..

Today i woke up at 6.40 am, working morning shift till 6.30pm, that usually is my fave shift, cos after work i know i can see you. It kills me inside knowing that, today im without you, i dont have a reason to be happy or excited bout morning shift again.

I had a dream today, i dreamt that i was really flying, and really a black bird flew over to see you.I saw you in a rural village there, you were all sad and lonely among a crowd of strangers. I can only watch you from above, wish i could hug you, but you seemed so untouchable,surrounded by all those people. I cried, and my heart was torn apart, i missed you so much, but there's nothing i could do to be close to you, i wished i really had wings to fly over, and look at you all the time.

I woke up with tears in my eyes, knowing its just another dream, your still far apart from me.Finally i dragged myself out for work,while waiting for my train, i stared at my phone, looking at all the messages you had send me, its so painful to read, because i cant reply you, i cant reach you, and i know i'll never get your sms soon. It was so quiet, as if my phone was dead, i had no reason to msg anymore, your not there anymore.

So painful, so lonely, and so empty, but its only the beginning of the count down of days without you, 1 day felt like a year.Its so scary that my life had suddenly became back when i was a loner, single again,it sucks,every msg i got from friends, how i wished was from you, knowing its impossible,i really felt like breaking down and cry, but baby i promised i'll be strong, so i swallowed all my tears.It felt so sour, and painful, and tongue stucked, i couldnt even speak, knowing that tears would just gust out of eyes, and i would lose control.

As i were walking down the street, it was cold, and i couldnt help thinking were you freezing there? Oh how i wished i could hold your hands right now, warm them up with my warm hands the way you like it. I stared at the sky, wondering at the same moment were you staring at the sky too thinking about me.

I wished you'll think of me when you see the stars above the night sky, because i've staring at the sky wondering how you were at afar. We're under the same sky, yet so far apart driven by fate, i had never saw it coming this soon, i thought we had more time. Wished we had went to escape theme park earlier, at least we've been to flyer. Please come back to me sooner, im counting down the days since you been gone, i love you so much. Dont cry too much for me, dont suffer from headache cos of me, i dont wish to see your beautiful eyes all red too, my love.

You've got a way with me, you gave me the faith to find my dreams,somehow you've got me to believe,its in the way you want me, its in the way you love me, its in the way you need me.It's just the way you are,you made me wanna settle down to have my own family with you.

Somehow you got me believing i could be a hero, i could be your man, i could be anything you want me to be, as long as you love me, i have the faith to be your everything, i want to be the one that can bring you a new life, could turn the page of your life.

I was timid, i was weak, i was scared, i have no confident before, you made me a hero. You made me wanna give in all that i have to make you happy, to be with you,im willing to make any sacrifices, im willing to take on any challenge, im willing to give up my life for you, what could be worse that could happen to me,it would be if i ever had to live without you.

After i found you, i wasnt afraid anymore, nothing was scary anymore,because the end of the day, i know i still got you, you're always gonna be there when i fall. Nothing could be that scary anymore, because i know, i've got you, i have you,im still holding on to my happiness, your my heaven.

Others find me not paying attention, not listening to a word they say, they could think i live in my own world, they dont understand why do i always look afar. Because my heart wasnt there, it had flew right by your side, i look afar, counting down how many mins, how many seconds, how many hours more to go, so i could be with you. I live in my world, because nothing interest me, only you have the key to my heart, or i rather stay in the dream i built, filled with images of you, and the laughter we shared, all i could hear is your sweet voice telling me all the sweetest things, how do i spare a space for other things. Life is too short to be wasted, i live my everyday thinking about how im gonna spend my life with you.

Time is never enough, i hate to say good byes, if only the moment would just stay there, i wanna be in your arms forever, never ever wanna leave you.

First time i heard this love song, it was when i was much younger, thought the melody was nice, never really felt anything at all. Till the day i heard it again, at shop,while it happened to be in your phone play list. I can't help but relate to that song bout us. How we first met, how i couldnt take my eyes off you.

Of what we been thru, everything just flashed back to mind instantly, till the song chorus part, sang you're still the one i love, and i turned at looked at your face.How glad i was, we're still together, im so happy, the same smile im looking at, still the same it makes me feel. Your still the reason why my heart beats fast, still the one i run to, still the one i belong to, still the only i dream of.

Old song, i've heard so many times before, after i met you, i can finally understand the song,it is our heart song.Truly describe what we have now, wasnt easy, we came a long way, but im so glad we made it.

So many times we thought of giving up, look how far we've come my baby, see what we wont be missing.Im so glad i went to confirm shoe at UH, im so glad im was such cheeky boy, to asked you so many questions, imagined how things would happen differently if i wasnt thick skin enough to ask so much. They say curiousity kills a cat, but i say, curiousity started the 1st page of my love story. If i wasnt eager enough to wanna find out more about you, if you wasnt feeling the same too, if your wasnt as curious as i am to find out more, our fate would never be so closely drawn together.

What if i've never made the 1st step, what if you were off that day, what if i was never there, what if i had never called to check. We would have passed each other just like that, never knew our perfect half is out there,so close,yet no chance to meet, all the happiness we would been missing. I can never dare to imagine any part of memory with you being erase off my mind, their too precious, and the best thing ever happen to me.

I would have never felt love if i havent got you. My life would be a living nightmare, i would still be a loner, searching for a reason to carry on, still wasting my life away on people that'll never be as perfect as you, i would never felt so right ever, never know what love supposed to be. Wake up to world that dont care for me as much as you did for me. I'll still be blind folded by lies and disguses of ugly truth, and trapped in a maze illusion i thought was love, the more i struggled, the more i sank in, till i lost myself totally.

Just about time for me to lose all hope, you showed me back to love, you showered me with your undivided attentions, your always there for me with your tough love. Your showed me that glimpse of light, just when im about to die and forever be numb of feelings. Your that one that held my heart so tenderly in your hands, love me so deeply, so truefully, so sincere, so real, i could almost touched it, not just feel it.

Thank your for saving me, thank your for loving me, thank you for letting me in your heart, and staying my heart too. Thank you for being still the one for me, thank you for letting me still being the one you love too..

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I just suddenly had the wildest thought of what i just gotta do on the last day of 2010,i wanna do something that we'll rmb for life, and i just got my pay so why not.Ive been talking bout going to singapore flyer for ages,but i was only stucked at planning, thinking,never happen, till the last day of the year!!! I faster folded clothes and clear whatever i had to at store, to ran out to meet you.

Im still glad we're able to cab there and got the tickets, pampering you just makes me so freaking happy. As we marched down to the Q, even had to X-ray our bags for checkin at check points, my god, it felt like going to air port, and then line up for taking pictures, like we're going to jail. After all the trouble finally able to go onboard to the capsule, man was it slow, and abit cramp plus noisy with other ppl. cant believe someone even proposed too, cant believe we withness some couple getting engaged. And was so annoyed by the korean and china family, what a conbination, so distractingly noisy.

So sorry that i drank the water first, when i offered you first, ahahaha, basic instinct cos i was thirsty too, sorry, you looked away, i thought you dont want. HAHAH its even more funny when you asked me if i could felt wind near my feet, please baby, im wearing sport shoes, your wearing slippers, you want me to feel what wind? wahaha, and the tiny ants walking all around when we looked down from above, am so glad we're not 1 of them, sweating and pushing around, for the count down.

And tiny ants dancing, from above they looked likes ants crawling in flashing lights.The night view from above is so beautiful, it could have been pefect if we're alone in the capsules and not with them. The only regret i had that night was never had the perfect dinner, i miscountculated that shops closes early, no place to eat at, let you go on starvation im so sorry, lucky was able to got you cookies from subway.

At last, sending to you mrt stn, wasnt expecting we could sat there till 12sharp, and still able to see a glimpse of fireworks when we're already so far away from town. HAHAH its so full of suprises when im with you,its almost like god want us to see all the amazing things together.His way if telling us that we're meant to be, so our life is full of chances and happenings.

My brain is like video player, always playing memories of what i wanted to relive, one of them was the trip to sentosa with you.If i havent met you, i would never be going there so soon, im always thinking too much, and ended up never going to places where i wanted to go, always be left at the same spot, not moving anywhere, not making changes. All thanks to you, you inspired me to do alot of things, went to places i only talked bout, never have the time to go.

For you i have to try alot of things, im trying for your love,i've been hiding enough. Must step out from that box, stepped out of my safety zone to experience life with you. Without you, i would had never imagined myself playing badminton on sentosa beach, with mickey prints on it, and with me without a hair do, without dressing smart, just having pure fun with you, forgetting how stupid i looked while i kept falling down on the sands.

Hahaha, my heart almost fell out, when you fell down on the sands while playing with me, i was so scared, and there you were, sitting on sands with your cute belly laughing and laughing,then shout out to me that your fine, your so cute.

Your the most active pregnant lady i've ever seen.I'll never forget how happy you made me felt that day. That memory you gaven me could made me smile all day. Those sandwhiches you made me was the best i ever tasted, being with you could made me super fat, your such a great cook.Pamper me so badly, im like your big baby too.

Back when everyone was a kid, we knew how to have fun, just dont care, we'll do anything that we thought was fun, we grew up and forgot all about that, with you, you bring out the kid in me again, ITS just so fun, to looked stupid with you, to pull you around everywhere i go, hold hands just holding our little finger, so funny. Walking around like we're drunkards, dont know how to walk straight. Its funny but i dont care cos im with you, its like walking on clouds, brain just dont think straight anymore, we're in heaven.

I thought it was childish to go see the song of the sea,but i did it with you, and it was so fun, although i was having a upset stomach tat day. HAHA so funny, i felt like a jelly dragging my legs there, dying, but its just fine cos im with you. There was the flashing lights, so colourful, so surreal, the images, and the fireworks was so cool,so pretty,and the water kept sprayin at us.

Its so amazing to go sentosa with you, playin in the water, not in swimming suit, just what we wore to the beach, hahaha, i've never thought i would do such crazy stuff with you. And the indian couple we saw, the gay chine couple playing in the water too, i dont know why, but my life with you is just meant to filled with so much weird funny happenings and incidents i never thought i would encountered. Us together is just like firework!!Always so short, not enough time in a day to spend with you, 24 hours and 7days a week is even too short, i want more,more more more, just gotta stick to you every second and do everything together, never ever be apart!!!

Looking back at 2010,its like a blink of my eye. so fast, before i could even think, i changed my job, everything surrrounding me is different now. Not to mention i have a baby in my life now,haha actually 2 babies, big and small both adorable.I have a family now,i was alone before, now filled with cute noises they both love to make..Sooo cute, to watch them both make the sounds together, like mother, like baby.

At the beginning, my eyes was so teary, heart filled with so much doubts, so afraid what the future would have for us, as i hugged her so tightly, after she told me she is expecting.Its scary when you don't know what to expect, it makes you think alot, how we're gonna handle things, whats gonna happen to us both.

Back then i thought we were never gonna make it thru, somehow we would just fall apart, and our love would fade away affected by all the overturns in life. I couldnt see our future together too, my faith was dying away everyday. As i watched you suffer everyday, and your belly getting bigger, i never thought it was gonna be this hard just by seeing you going thru all that. Your emotions getting bigger each day, temper getting rough, throwing fix every now and then.

Sometimes you would just explode, and attack me with your anger, like a cannon ball, so scary,but then after all the explosion, you started to weep, showed me your soft side, as you let your emotions all out. I don't know what you were going thru, but to see you going thru all that changes, kills me deep inside day by day.So i kept telling myself i ain't gonna leave you, no matter what, i knew you needed me the most that time, so i chose to endure your pain with you, i dont blame you for hurting, i wanted to help, i wished i could take the pain all the away, wish i could stopped you from losing your appetite, stopped all the vomiting, but im only human, all i could do is to show that i care, im not going anywhere, always be there when you needed me.

It wasnt easy to make you happy anymore, but i didn't care, i wasnt going to give up at all,just wanted to give you my best to take care of you.I cant tell you how much i love you baby, because was never enough to describe how i felt bout you, i hoped you could felt it from my heart.

Many times you asked me to leave, tell me how much you hated me, tell me you dont need me at all, all you wanted was for me to leave. I know that aint true, i know you would be lost and hopeless without me, i knew its your anger talk again. Deep down you're crying out out for me, hoping so much i would stay,and wishin we can make it thru together. I always knew that baby, you needed me, no matter how much you love denying it.

Im soo glad we've made it thru, whats the best memory of 2010? It was the night i knew you were okay, and baby was healthy, it was the greatest relief for the ten long months i've been constantly worrying about, think i grew more grey hair by worrying bout you girls, my precious darlings.

It seems like only yesterday, your belly was so big and round like a big ball, oh how much i loved rubbing and kissing it. SO belly cute, my sweet darling.WAHAHAHA i cant wait to see you soon my precious treasures. LOve YOU 2 SOOO DAMN much, most important ladies in my life.

I'm Raven, Karasu. My horoscope's Libra. I love neko(which means 'cat' in japanese). I enjoyed my days with all my friends. The moment we start the chat going, it goes never ending. My life starts on 11st October 1989 and I definitely hopes that I would achieve what I want in my journey down. Learn more about me just one click away.

WeiJie | Broy

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December 2007
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November 2008
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February 2010
December 2010
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February 2011