Today i just found out i've got bonus from work,i went to check with my fren.Eventhough i have extra money to spend,it did'nt made me happy at all,cos usually i would be thrilled by the idea that i've got money to buy you great gifts,nice dinner,and a trip to fun places.But today,its plain to see that i have no use of money,i decided to give most to my mum,and the rest i want to buy some clothes.
I really thought i would enjoy spending it on clothes,but i didn't,i just sat there on my chair,wondering why you haven't reply my msg,did you recovered from that fever,same thoughts repeating all over again.I really really hate him alot for taking you away,couldnt he see you're able to adapt life there,you're too weak to withstand the coldness,couldn't he sees the lonliness in your eyes,that says you wanna come back s'pore so bad,why is he ignoring what you want and need,and continue to ruined our life.How long more do we have to stand around let people decide how our love story would go,when is our chance to take hold of our happiness?
My friends noticed my sudden change,were all concerned about me,all tried to crack me up,cheer me up,but i really couldn't be happy as before.Its tiring for me to live my life like this,how else could i live it then,i don't have a choice,my only reason to be happy has been cruely torn away from me,its like my other half of my heart been cut and taken out brutaly,no one would understand my pain,no one knows what i been thru,no one would see how hard it is to smile for me.Such a simple gesture,but takes me so much effort and pain to do so,cos my heart tells me im in pain,my face should show agony,and tears should naturally flow out everyday.
After a tiring day of work,finally i can go home and sleep,recently sleeping has been my only comfort,i could stay away from the world of pain,stay away from the noise,distract myself from the thought that your not there,sometimes i dream bout you,and i would have so much fun in my dream,sometimes i wish i had taken sleeping pills,maybe the dream could be longer,maybe i'll never had to wake up to face the truth that your not really there at all.
