Monday blues hits me today,cos i had to work moring shift today,till six thirty.Waking up in the morning makes me so tired,i did shitty job for task today,i made a mess and wasnt able to finish what i started,i felt so bad to let my partner finished where i left off.Im supposed to help not becoming a burden,i felt so lousy when my break was right after the task,while i said sorry to her and went for break,looked back to see she had to finish off by herself,i wish i've done better.
Wasnt happy with what i've done,i showed my emotionless face again while going to get food with frens,they were concerned,asked why my reactions to things always so dull and like i dont bother,i hate to explain,just try my best to smile and crack jokes.
I dont expect ppl to understand me,cos i dont understand myself too,i think im suffering from depression,even the smallest things can send me to anxiety and frustrations,i dont know why,but i get carried away very easily and its hard for me to pay attention to others,im always in my world without my notice,i just simply drift away,sometimes i feel like im sleep walking,dont know what im doing.
Sometimes its not that i dont want frens,i do too,but i just say things to send ppl away,i always not hearin what they said,or dint know what to reply and gave them short replies,i hate myself so badly that my social skills had dropped so much.Maybe the problem is im surrounded by many youngsters,kinda made me shy,i went back to anti-social person i was back in skool,or maybe i always starts missing you,and couldnt hear a word they say.
After work was okay,i went to get food for my folks at home,had a really nice dinner with them,i like the feeling that my effort was appreciated and they enjoyed what i got for them.Ever since my nephew been back,our family grew tighter,and im enjoying more at home,its nice to have him back,feels like our family complete again.
